I sit back down and just look around. I can’t believe how lucky I got when we moved back here and started over.
I can’t wait to see what it’s like adding more kids with partners that actually care.
Isla
Two weeks later, I’m sitting in the backyard with two boxes all decorated in pink and blue. Everyone else is in the living room, waiting for Callum’s mom and the couple friends we invited to arrive. We decided to just do a small gender reveal, especially after the big Thanksgiving announcement dinner, so only Chris, Nathan, and Jose are coming. We wanted something simple for the reveal but I still wanted a bigger baby shower. I told the guys how I’d never had one with the other three kids, and they told Maw-Maw, so I’m sure it’ll be a production.
We are going to do a live video for everyone who couldn’t come, so they can still all find out with us. The only person who knows is my grandmother, and she’s highly excited about that fact right now.
“Isla, baby, everyone is here,” Silas calls out as he walks over to squat down next to me. “Are you ready to find out what these little ones are?”
“I am, but I’m happy with whatever combo we get. What are you hoping for?” I ask, leaning over to kiss his nose.
“Honestly, I want one of each, but as long as they are both healthy, I’ll be happy either way. Now let’s go, because Bodie is crawling out of his skin waiting to find out. I think he’s more excited than anyone to decorate a nursery. He has a whole vision for every outcome,” he chuckles, helping me to my feet.
“Well, let’s put him out of his misery, shall we?” I grab his hand and walk over to the open back door. I grin as I see the kids bouncing around. They are so excited to find out what the babies are. Vivian wants sisters, Lochlan wants brothers, and Arden wants one of each.
“Okay, everyone, we will eat and chit chat afterwards because having to keep this secret has been hard. So there are two boxes both filled with either pink or blue balloons. The kids will open the boxes at one time.. Okay? Let’s find out what these babies are!” Maw-Maw claps her hands and ushers everyone out the door.
The guys and I line up behind the kids, close enough so we can help them if needed. “Alright, kiddos, Arden, you get this box, Loch and Vivi, y’all get this box. Vivi hold it just like this, okay?” I show her how she needs to pull it. I’m standing in front of Bodie with his hands wrapped around my waist and resting on my belly. The twins are on my right, and Callum and Silas are on my left, holding hands.
“Chris, here is my phone. Just push the ‘Go live’ button when I get out of the way.” Maw-Maw hands him her phone and steps off to the side, and he indicates we’re live.
“Kids, are you ready? On three, I want you to pull the boxes open, alright? Everyone count.” Maw-Maw holds up three fingers.
As she puts them down, we count “One, two, three!”
The kids yank the flaps on the boxes and…
Pink! They are both pink! “Oh my god! Girls! We are having girls!” I wrap my arms around Vivian who turns and throws herself at me. The guys are taking turns hugging the boys and kissing mine and Vivian’s heads, telling us they love us. I am surrounded by so much love and excitement, but why do I feel like I’m going to be sick? My heart is racing, and I can feel my breathing getting faster and faster.
“Wildflower, are you okay?” Silas steps in front of me and lifts my head so he can look me in the eyes. He doesn’t like whatever he sees. He looks over his shoulder, and calls out, “Hey, we will be right back.” Grabbing my hand, he very quickly rushes me to our suite.
Once we are in and the door is closed, I burst out into sobs. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” is all I can get out. The suite door gets flung open with enough force it hits the doorstop and starts to swing closed again.
“What the fuck? Why is she crying, what’s wrong?” someone asks. I’m not sure who at the moment since I can’t see through the tears, but I think it’s one of the twins.
“I don’t know, I noticed her starting to panic and had to get her out of there. She lost it when we made it here. I don’t know what happened,” Silas replies. I can decipher who is talking a little better now that I’m no longer sobbing, just hyperventilating
“I think I know what’s wrong. She has mentioned a couple times how pissed her ex was when he found out she was pregnant with a girl. He beat her to try and kill Vivian multiple times. So I’m sure she went into a panic over having two girls. If his reaction to one was bad, I can’t even fathom two. It doesn’t matter that she knows we would never hurt her. Her default is to panic. We forget all the trauma she’s been through because she does so well most of the time,” Orin explains, getting down to his knees in front of me.
He reaches out towards me like he’s approaching a wild animal. “Darlin’, can I hold you?” he asks softly.
I just nod my head, and he wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his lap.
“Can you tell us what will help you feel better, sweet girl?” he mumbles softly against my ear.
I take a second to gather my thoughts and glance around. All of my men are here. They came for me. It won't be the same this time. I chant that over and over until I feel my breathing starts to even out.
I take one more deep breath. “I don’t know why I got so freaked out all of a sudden. I saw how happy all of you were. I know with all of my heart none of you would ever hurt me or any of the kids. It was like being hit with a huge wave of soul crushing fear.”
“Babygirl, we understand completely, and it is normal for you to have those knee jerk reactions. You and the kids went through so much, and it wasn’t all that long ago. All of you have been doing amazing for the most part thanks to the amount of therapy and support you have. However, random triggers will pop up, and we will work through it. How are you feeling now?” Callum asks, leaning over to squeeze my hand.
I take a minute to take stock of my feelings. “I’m okay. I’m so excited to get a second chance to outwardly be happy about having girls. I’m so excited for all the matching clothes.”Wait…
“Did I ruin that for everyone? Shit, I just ran out of my own party.” I slump back into Orin.
“No, Angel. Everyone is still here, snacking. I decided to cook an actual dinner, so they all wanted to stay. I’m making one of your favorites; steak with sauteed mushrooms in a creamy garlic sauce, served with mashed potatoes, fresh green beans, and yeast rolls.” Bodie grins at me when he sees the look on my face.
