“Come eat, baby. After breakfast, y’all can go play. Everyone will be here for Thanksgiving in a couple hours,” Isla tells the kids as Arden walks over to finish eating.
Isla shuffles over to where I’m standing and must see something on my face. “Hey, kiddos, y’all go ahead and eat. Daddy and I will be right back. I’m sure your other dads or Maw-Maw will be in any second.”
She grabs my hand and leads me into the massive walk-in pantry. “Alright, mister, spill it. Why does your face look like that?”
“What are you talking about, Angel?” I rasp out, fidgeting with my hands. The unimpressed look she levels at me would make most people flinch away, but I am not most people. Because this is my feisty woman, all it does is makes my dick take notice.Fuck, Bodie, not the time.
I refuse to lie to her so I guess I need to get everything out there. She already knows about my childhood abuse, but I don’t want her to look at me differently. I know she’s fine with Callum and Silas’s relationship, but that doesn’t mean she will accept this part of me. Not that I have either, so I can’t blame her.
Well, here goes nothing.
“Uh, well, when I went to get the others, I kind of walked in on Cal and Si…” I break off, not sure how to explain what I actually walked in on.
The smirk on her face tells me she knows exactly what I mean by my unspoken words. “That doesn’t explain why your face looks the way it does,” she points out.
I groan at her as she raises her eyebrow at me, waiting for me to continue. “They had the door closed but not latched, so I just walked in. Si was, uhh…” I look away and take a breath. “He was behind Callum. He was, um, fucking him. When they noticed me, they told me to either come in and shut the door or go away, and well, I stayed and watched.”
I look down ashamed. “I don’t know why I stayed.” I’m pacing back and forth now. God, why is it so hard to admit? Nothing is wrong with being attracted to men. This has nothing to do with what happened to me.
“Baby, what’s wrong? Why does that have you freaking out so bad?” she asks, grabbing my hand, pulling me to a stop.
I look at her brokenly and whisper, “I liked it. It turned me on, seeing it. I wanted to join them.” I can feel the tears starting to fall. “How can I like that after what happened to me? What’s wrong with me?”
She pulls me into a hug. I slide us both down till we are sitting on the floor against the wall. “Bodie James Sullivan, there is absolutelynothingfucking wrong with you. What happened to you was not your fault. You were raped as achildby adults. That isn’t on you. You didn’t cause that to happen. Your mother failed you. It is on the shoulders of her and the men who hurt you.” She grabs my face and turns it so I’m looking her in the eyes.
“You being attracted to men hasnothingto do with what happened to you. If it did, I would think after everything I’ve been through it would make me not want to be with men. You are perfect the way you are. If you want to explore that side of you, I doubt Callum or Silas would complain. If not, then that’s fine, too. It’s solely your choice. I will love you no matter what, and it doesn’t make you any less of a man. Okay?” She kisses me softly.
“I don’t know what I want honestly. I think I need time to work through things,” I tell her quietly as I stand up.
“Take all the time you need, baby. No one will blame you. Now, let’s go finish breakfast with our kids. I think you need to sit down and talk to either Silas or Callum. Maybe both. It might help.” She holds her hands up so I pull her to stand with me.
“I will, Angel. Thank you for listening.” I kiss her and pour in all the love I have into it.
I don’t know what’s going to happen now, but I’m thankful I have the life and family I have now.
Isla
After almost a whole day of cooking and very little sleep, I snuck away so I could get a couple of moments alone to wash all the food bits off me. I've never been more thankful for the built-in shower seat as I step out of the hot steaming bath. It's easier to move around now, but I’m still pretty sore and taking deep breaths can hurt like a bitch.
Standing in front of the mirror looking at myself, I’m blown away at the difference almost a year makes. Even with the extra scars from the gunshot and surgery, I am healthy. My eyes are bright, and I look happy. I’m so fucking nervous about being pregnant and working through all the trauma that I’m sure is going to pop back up with everything that has recently happened.
I don’t know what it’s like to not have to worry about being beaten, raped, or just verbally abused. I know my men aren’t like that, and that they are amazing, but a part of me is just waiting for them to change like Corin did. I know it’s not going to happen. However, that doubt was still planted in the back of my mind.
I feel hands wrap around my waist, and I jump since I’m not expecting it. “Hey, Darlin’, are you okay?” Orin’s smoky voice wraps around me and curbs my panic. I turn to face my kind-hearted, soft spoken man. You’d never know by his dark tattooed look, but he is the most gentle man I’ve ever met.
I give him a sweet smile. “Yeah, baby, I’m fine. It’s just kinda nerve-racking being pregnant again. Even though in my heart and soul I know it’s going to be different, it’s still a lot to wrap my mind around. Plus add in the fact that it’s twins which is mind blowing itself.”
He cups my face. “Darlin’, I can’t imagine how terrifying this is for you. I know there is a lot of trauma for you surrounding pregnancy and men in general, but baby, we love you so much. We love the kids with all our hearts, and we are going to love the twins. None of us will ever do anything to hurt you or any of them. No matter what, for any reason.” He pauses to wipe a tear I didn’t realize was falling.
“I actually wanted to talk to you about names for the babies. If they are boys, I was thinking Wyatt and Andrew after your dad and Paw-Paw. If they are girls I was thinking we could name them Willow and Iris, after Silas’s sister and the daughter you lost. I figured if it’s one of each, we could do Wyatt Andrew and Willow Iris. What do you think?” He searches my eyes, gauging my reaction.
I have tears running down my face now. “I love them. Let’s go ask the others what they think. I think they will love the names. I think when I get cleared for sex again, my sweet pet deserves some special alone time. What do you think, hmm?”
With his closeness, I can feel him shiver at my tone. “Well, Mistress, I can’t wait to worship you from your head to your toes.” He pulls me in for a deep kiss and nips at my lip. He’s such a brat.
“Just wait till I can spank your ass again,” I growl at him.
He laughs as he runs out of the bathroom. “Hurry up and get to the living room, Darlin’, everyone will be here soon.”
