He’s dead.
He got an ending.
Messy, sure. In prison, sure. But done. Full stop. Period.
I’m still here, trapped in the long epilogue.
Anything to get away from you.
The line from my dream slides in slick, like it’s been waiting.
What if everyone else feels that way eventually? my brain whispers.
What if Miguel wakes up in five years and realizes he’s built his life around sandbags and warning systems?
He deserves someone whose worst childhood memory is a scraped knee.
Dad deserves a son who doesn’t flinch every time the phone rings.
Mom deserves…
I stop there.
Because another voice pops up, soft but vicious.
Maybe you’re the problem all three of them have been trying to fix.
I press my forehead against the tile, water pounding over my shoulders.
This is dangerous territory. I know that. We mapped this out on the safety plan. Intrusive thoughts about being a burden, about people being better off without me, that’s one of the red flags.
I should text Miguel. Dr. K. Martin. Someone.
I imagine it.
Hey, my brain is flirting with the idea that everyone I love would be better off without me.
The humiliation hits before anything else.
Instead, I’m stuck on what if I just… disappear?
“Pathetic,”my internal narrator sneers.
Another part of me nods along.
By the timeMiguel gets home, I’ve successfully not eaten, not emailed Dr. K, and not done any of the assignments on my list. I have, however, reorganized my notes three times and stared at a blank Google Doc until the cursor looked like it was mocking me.
He walks in smelling like dust and outside air, curls damp from the mist, shirt a little dirty from work. When his eyes land on me, they do that quick scan—face, posture, hands.
“Hey,” he says. “You look like someone unplugged you and you’re running on residual charge.”
“Sexy.”
He sets his stuff down, crosses the room, and kisses my forehead. “How’s the volume?”
“Seven,” I say instead. “It’s just been a day.”
He pulls back enough to look at me properly. “That’s still high,” he says, frowning. “You wanna tell me about the ‘day’ part?”
