“And you think your parents will respect our wishes to be left alone? The temptation to ascend or descend a flight of stairs to poke about in our lives will be hard to resist. And what of the many evenings when you are away? Will I be able to attend a dinner without you if I do make friends? Or will I be at the mercy of either your parents or solitude?”
“Pen will be coming too. If you like, we can ask her to come with us now in January and introduce you to some of the more likeable folk she knows.”
“You said February before,” Jillian reminded him sharply.
“Well, yes. Parliament opens on the first of February. But we must allow several days to travel and settle into our new accommodations.”
“I’ve heard enough,” said Jillian abruptly. “I see you have planned everything neatly with your father. In a matter of weeks, we are to upend our already strained existence here and be transplanted to the largest city in the world, where I know no one but you and possibly your sister. I am to be abandoned at night and cautioned in my behavior by your parents for months on end. I will have nowhere to escape to—no woods, no lake, no greenhouse, not even Ellena to comfort me. And you would have me find merit in this. I do not see it.”
With that, Jillian threw open the carriage door, almost hitting the poor footman on the nose. Remembering that he had stood in the brutal cold while they had their infuriating conversation only made her more agitated. Her instinct was to invite both him and the groom inside for a cup of hot chocolate and a warm seat in the kitchen. But she would not make that mistake again.
No, indeed, she was learning that she must hide her true self deep down, where it could not shame her husband—the one who had once loved her for her fearlessness.
Where was that love now?
It was there, she conceded, but shackled by expectations. Shackles that she must now help him carry. The more pretense at power he was given, the more it bound and restricted him, squeezing ever tighter until no real autonomy existed at all.
Her heart ached for her beloved. It bled for the both of them. But the constriction about the throat of her freedom also made her angry. And resentful. She would cast it off forcefully if she could. But it would mean throwing off her bond with Lewis. Though she clawed at the circumstances that oppressed her, she would not desert him.
For better or worse.
If only this would finally be the worst of it.
