“He likely did not think to ask his uncle’s permission to act civilly.”
Papa must have picked up on her sardonic tone, for he gave her a quizzical look before folding his hands behind his back. “You seem to support his wish to see me.”
“It does not seem unreasonable.”
“I intend to sayno.”
Sophia stiffened. “For what reason?”
“For the same reason I do not receive other visitors—I do not wish to. The sooner they understand that, the sooner we may resume normality.”
“Normality?” Sophia was tired. Tired of living like this. Tired of denying herself. Tired of carrying her father’s sadness. It was enough. If she did not speak up now, she was accepting that her father’s world would forever be hers. And it wasnotnormal. “It is an odd choice of words for the way we live,” she declared.
Her father narrowed his eyes. “I do not like your tone, daughter. I would expect that from Adriana, but not from you.”
“Oh,” Sophia responded, the bitterness shallow in her words, “are we using her name again?”
She could see confusion flit across her father’s face—a rapid blink of his eyes, a momentary frown, then a blank expression.
“What has come over you?” he finally managed to say.
“Nothing.”Everything, she wanted to scream.Everything has changed! I have found unconditional love, real acceptance, true purpose. And you would have me give it all up. To be a shadow of all I should be.But she bit her tongue. She must be calm.Softly does it.He must hear the truth, but it must not frighten him. It must free him. If he could release the grip of his sorrow, they would all be free.
“Nothing?” he said with obvious disbelief. “I think not. Yesterday, you told me that you wish to marry one day, spoiling a perfectly good carriage ride. And today, you are petulant. This is not my Sophia.”
Sophia folded her hands resolutely upon her lap. “If you think back far enough, Father, you will remember a Sophia exactly like this.”
“She was a child.”
“Who was never allowed to grow up.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Telling you that I can see myself getting married at some point should not have ruined anything. It should not even have needed saying. All grown women think in this way. Their families encourage it. And Adriana was right to claim it for herself.”
Sophia watched as her father ballooned with indignation. “What right have you to speak to me in this fashion? I am your father!”
Such a claim would previously have stopped Sophia in her tracks. Today, however, she remained resolute.
“Papa, do you remember a time when you were happy?”
“I will not suffer to be spoken to…”
“It was when Mama was alive. We were all happy then. And we all miss her. But she would be devastated to see what our family has become.”
Her father’s face grew flushed as he leaned toward her, an angry finger extended. “Sophia, you go too far…”
“No, Papa, it isyouwho have gone too far. And I have shared in your reckless sorrow because I felt I was to blame.”
Her father pulled up short. “What do you mean? How wereyouto blame?”
“Because Mama became sick with my illness.”
“I don’t understand. How is that your fault?”
“It isn’t. But all these years, I believed it was. And the more you mourned her loss, the heavier the blame sat upon my shoulders.”
Her father became very quiet. “That is a heavy burden.”
