“What is it?” she asked shyly.
“Sayyes.”
“Yes?”
“Yes. Yes to being my wife. Yes to living life more fully. Yes to everything that fear and guilt has robbed you of until now.”
“Oh.”
“Is that not what you want? Beneath all those layers of self-imposed blame, have you not desired the contentment of love well met?”
“Of course I have desired it. But I have never given myself permission to reach for it.”
“You will now, won’t you?” Tobias coaxed gently.
“I… I’m not… It will take time. I am not yet used to the idea that I may ask for such happiness.”
“Do you at least acknowledge now that you may?”
Sophia hesitated. Fifteen years of repression and denial would be hard to shake off. “I… I think so.”
“Say it. Say, ‘I deserve to be loved.’”
“I’m not sure…”
“Then let usmakeit a certainty. Say it, and believe it.”
“I…deserve…” Sophia swallowed, the effort of saying words she had so long rejected driving a flush into her cheeks.
“You can do it.”
“I deserve…to…be…loved.” She rushed the last word, then beamed at Tobias in triumph.
“Again.”
“I deserve to be loved.” Her smile broadened.
“Yes, dearest! How right you are!” Tobias clasped her hands in his and drew them to his lips.
Sophia did not resist.
Joy, oh, joy!To behold his beloved surfacing from the gloom of her past was enough to lift all the confusion and frustration Tobias had felt until now. He was but one word away from making her his wife, one word from becoming the happiest man alive. One little “yes” and they would be able to start their life together. So close.
And yet.
Sophia was fragile, teetering on the edge of a new dawn, her future suddenly thrown open before her. He must not push. Not now. All was new and brittle. He must not force the fledgling from its nest. If ever he was going to exercise wisdom and restraint, this was the most critical moment.
“Sophia,” he said, bringing her hands toward his heart.
“Hmm?” she murmured dreamily.
“Would you permit me to call upon you again? As often as you are comfortable. We can discuss your poetry. Or the weather. And, when you are ready, we might revisit our talk of the future. Our future.”
“Yes.” The corner of her mouth dimpled into a smile. “I would like that. To meet again, I mean.” Her eyes flicked away abruptly. “As for the rest, you must bear with me. I cannot yet grasp such big hopes.” There was a pause, and then her gaze lifted to his once more. “There is much for me to think about. It is strange to view my life, my past, through a different lens.”
Inside, Tobias’s heart did somersaults of excitement. On the surface, he took great pains to hold back. He pressed her hands to his lips once more, then returned them to her lap. “Whenever you are ready, I will be here.” Oh, how hard it was to resist her! To release her when he wished to pull her closer. To wait. To let her lead. His whole body vibrated internally with anticipation. When would she speak?
“Mondays.” Sophia gulped. “Papa is away every Monday.”
