She stared at him accusingly, her mouth tight with bitterness. “You say you love me, but you are lying to yourself. You have spent but a few hours in my company. You have not been here when I struggle to catch my breath. You have not seen my withered legs. I am a grotesque version of womanhood. You have not seen enough to understand that. You have no business offering me romance when my daily reality would spoil it all.”
“Sophia,” Tobias almost pleaded, “I don’t care about these things. What need have I of a wife with a robust body when we can spend our days poring over the works of great authors, yourself included? Why would I go riding with a woman who is silly or churlish or demanding when I could sit in the company of one whose character and intellect inspires me? Notwithstanding your own opinion, I find you exquisite in every way.”
“You don’t mean that!” Sophia cried, a stifled sob escaping.
“Yes, I do! I know I am bungling this, but you forced my hand. I would have been more patient, given you time to come to these conclusions yourself. But you threatened to cut me off entirely! What was I to do but declare myself at once? I cannot lose you, dearest Sophia. Punish me for my impertinence. Scold me each time we meet. But never, never tell my heart it does not know what it feels. I love you, Sophia. You must accept that. Tell your fears they have had their turn. Now it is time to embrace life. There is no better fit for me than you. Let me make you happy.”
Sophia burst into a flood of tears.
Tobias could stand it no longer. He leaped from his chair and wrapped her in his arms. He gently cupped her face against his shoulder while she wept, strands of her damp hair clinging to his cheek. “There, my love, all is well. You are safe.”
At these words, Sophia pulled herself abruptly from his embrace. “Youare not,” she hiccup-sobbed. “I c-cannot h-h-have you s-sacrifice yourself for me.”
“Oh, you precious fool, it is no sacrifice.” He smiled and wiped away her tears with his thumbs. “You are the greatest gift.”
“No! I am a curse!” She thrust his hand from her. “You must not align your life with mine. I will ruin it.”
Tobias took hold of her wrists and drew her toward him. “Enough of this. Look at me.Look at me.What are you so afraid of? Surely, you cannot still doubt me? What more must I do to prove I will not fail you?”
Sophia’s eyes fixed upon his, wild and frightened. “I am not afraid of you, Tobias. I am afraid ofme. You mustn’t love me. I will drag you to your doom.”
And with that, she buried her face in her hands and wept once more.
Tobias was utterly perplexed. Something was at work here he could not fathom. This was much more than insecurity. Sophia was absolutely terrified.
He turned helplessly to Katie. A worried frown pleated her brow. He wished he could ask her what to do, but that would not be proper. Katie must have felt the same, for she tilted her head toward her mistress and silently mouthed,Help her!
If only he knew how!
At a loss, he sat mute and fretting while Sophia emptied herself of emotion long suppressed. When she subsided to the occasional sniffle, Tobias did the only thing he could think of—he offered her his handkerchief. She blew her nose—an earthy, wholesome sound that broke some of the tension in the room.
Sophia looked at the damp cloth apologetically. “I am sorry. I have made a terrible scene.”
“You do not need to apologize. You have done nothing wrong. But perhaps you could explain? There is something at the heart of the matter that you have not told me. It would help if I understood.”
Sophia gave a shuddering sigh. “I can see there is no other way. You will not release me until you grasp the danger you are in.”
“Danger? Tell me.”
Sophia twisted the corner of the handkerchief until it was tightly coiled. She licked her lips to moisten them. A deep breath followed. And another. Finally, she lifted her head to Tobias. “When I am done, you must go. It will be too painful to see the revulsion on your face. You will do me this one kindness.”
“I cannot imagine anything that would cause…”
“Promise me!”
“We shall see.”
Sophia hesitated. Her eyes flicked toward Katie, then back to Tobias. She clenched her fingers and inhaled slowly one more time. “Very well. But I wish you could have spared me this.”
A pang of guilt—for what, he did not yet know—pinched at his conscience. All he could hope for was that the discovery of the truth would erase all the suffering it had caused.
“When I was fourteen,” Sophia explained, “I had the paralysis fever. We did not know it at first. It is not so common an ailment as influenza or other fevers. As with any other childhood illness, my father kept me isolated with a maid and a nurse to tend to me. But I grew weaker, and my symptoms frightened me.”
She shivered, wrapping her arms around herself as if to fend off the memory.
“My breathing grew labored and my legs too heavy to move. I was certain I was dying. I was convinced I would succumb to this strange illness with no one by my side except those paid to be there. I begged the nurse to fetch my mother. But my father had given strict orders. And the nurse obeyed.”
Her narration stopped. Sophia was struggling against new tears, and her lips twitched as she fought to quash them. She swallowed hard.
