“Is there anyone who interests you, Havah?” I interrupted, stepping into the red dress.
“No one, Arie-zada.” She used the term of endearment almost like a weapon. Making me like her. Want her by my side. Except now that I knew the truth, I couldn’t hear it the same way.
I allowed her to lace the dress tight, so it wouldn’t slip, though I secretly drew deep breaths until she finished. No sense in being miserable during dinner.
Havah held out the top piece to finish off my dress. I slipped my arms into the gold lace sleeves. It settled delicately over my collarbone and shoulders, making the ensemble appear modest, though it didn’t even reach the dress. Havah buttoned it in the back.
How could any man want a mere servant when they’re in your presence?
I swallowed a sigh. The constant invasion of thoughts was exhausting. Even if people weren’t thinking of me, there was always an ominous, low hum in my mind. The hum would swell into a buzz and threaten to form. It made me so tired, I could hardly think.
I swayed on my feet.
She wants to be crowned heir apparent on her 18thbirthday, yet she can’t make it through a full day of court.
“Just stop.”
Havah froze.
Hands outstretched, with a hair pin still in her mouth, she met my gaze, confusion written across her face.
Not again. I cursed myself inwardly for yet another slip. I couldn’t seem to control my tongue.
“Stop... worrying over the men in my life, my friend.” I smiled to take the edge off my words. “I know you want the best for me.”
“Ah...yes, Arie-zada. Of course. As you wish...” Only a tiny crease between Havah’s brows gave her feelings away as she pinned my thick curls up, to better offset the enormous gold earrings dangling from my ears. As I turned to stand before the mirror, they tickled my shoulders.
Just as I’d begun to relax, Havah returned to her previous train of thought,How can she rule Hodafez, if she can’t even stomach a Severance?
I ground my teeth.For the love of Jinn, can’t you think about anything else for two seconds?I wanted to scream the words, but I managed to stay silent for once, until she was done.
So beautiful,she thought, stepping back, and this time the tone was a bit kinder. More admiration, less contempt.
“Thank you,” I murmured into the silence.
She paused once more.
My eyes widened. I forced myself to breathe. Lifting my chin, I stared at myself in the mirror, patting my hair. “Ah... it looks lovely.”
It was enough.
“You always look lovely,” Havah replied, moving to store the leftover hair pins.
I slowly let out my breath.
Each time I slipped up, I feared the worst.
I reached out to grasp Havah’s hands, searching her smooth face for a friend, wanting—needing—to know I wasn’t alone. “I’m sorry I snapped earlier. It’s just... it’s impossible to know if a suitor is truly interested in me...”
I stopped, unable to put into words the real problem: I knew exactly what they were interested in. My wealth. My throne. Even my people, occasionally. But never me.
Havah’s face softened. Her hands squeezed mine back. “How could anyone not love you? You only need to let your guard down long enough for a nice young man to get to know you. Now come, it’s time for dinner.”
I let her lead me through the front room where my other ladies stood waiting, out into the carpeted hallway that softened our footsteps, and downstairs toward the dining hall. The hall that held an entire room filled with people eager to prove Havah false and bring my worst nightmares to life.
She was wrong. No one could know me, or the truth.If they knew the truth, they wouldn’t love me. They’d want to kill me.
