Chapter One
The Past
“I’m hungry.” I tug on the back of my dad’s coat for the third time.
“Later, Hopee.” He smacks my hand away, and I want to cry.
My stomach hurts. I’ve not eaten anything since yesterday or the day before. I can’t be sure. The days are all starting to run together. Since we came to New York City, things have only gotten worse for us. My dad promised when we came here that things would change. That he would change.
He’s a liar.
I hate him.
He makes everything harder than it should be.
He’s selfish.
Just like Momma.
No one ever asks me what I want or what I think or what I need.
“Dad.”
“Quiet, Hopee.”
“Dad!” I tug the sleeve of his coat.
He whirls around with his fist pulled back as though he’s about to make good on his threats to send me into next week. I shrink back, tears filling the brims of my eyes. His gaze softens at the sight of my tears. “I said later.”
“That’s what you always say,” I mutter, but he’s already back to ignoring me.
Sometimes I think he only keeps me around because people are more inclined to help a man with a child than they are one without one.
He doesn’t love me.
Blames me for Momma leaving.
I want to run away, but I’m a chicken and afraid of what would happen to me if I were to go off on my own. Charlie tells me I’d do better on my own, now that I’m developing boobs. Charlie is a guy we met on our first day in the city. He took us under his wing and showed us how the transient world works. I’m well aware of what he’s hinting at, and the thought scares me. I don’t want anyone touching me or looking at my body. Especially not gross men.
I’m not stupid. I see how men look at my chest with lust in their eyes.
It’s disgusting.
They look at me like my dad does when he’s had too much to drink and he’s lonely.
He touched me one time, and I threw up all over him.
He smacked me and made me clean it up.
We’ve never spoken about it again, but sometimes it is all I can think about.
Because it makes me sick, and when I feel sick, I don’t want food.
Tonight it’s not working.
My stomach rumbles. Snot drips from my nose and I cough, which makes my belly hurt even more. Charlie says I need to seea doctor, but we can’t pay and they will ask too many questions, so Dad says no.
We were staying at a homeless shelter, but last night we were turned away. We didn’t get there early enough to get a bed. Whatever belongings I had tucked away there are now long gone.
