I needed her.
“Goodbye, Ellie.”
29
ELLIE
Sniffling,I wiped the tears from my eyes that refused to stay hidden. He was gone, had walked out of my life for good.
And the only person I had to blame was myself.
I tried desperately not to fall for him. I told myself over and over again that this was only sex. But none of that mattered. Not when he was absolutely perfect aside from one minor flaw.
Okay, it was pretty damn major, but to me, Ryder was perfect.
He just didn’t love me the way I was falling helplessly for him.
“Ugh,” I groaned, wiping at my face, only to come away with a large streak of black mascara. “Stupid, stupid, stupid!” I shouted.
Admittedly, I should have known it that first night I saw him in the bar. Men like him don’t change. Maybe he wasn’t the same obnoxious kid I knew from school, but just like then, he couldn’t admit that he liked me.
The sex was amazing. The conversation never-ending. And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to say that he liked me and wanted to be with me.
Story of my life.
When would any man ever admit to desiring a woman like me? Ryder was the one person who never made me feel like I was fat or undesirable. He made love to me as if I was the only thing in this world he craved.
So why couldn’t he just say that?
Snagging yet another Kleenex, I blew what remained inside my nose and tossed it in the garbage. Sniffling back the tears, I got to my feet and stumbled over to the mirror. Looking back at me was some pathetic mirage of a woman I used to recognize. She used to be more confident, less reliant on a man.
And she needed to come back.
Enough of this foolish need to impress Ryder. He chose to walk away because his pride wouldn’t allow him to admit that he loved me, too. I didn’t understand why, and frankly, none of it mattered. He was out of my life, and it was time to move on with mine.
Enough crying. Enough feeling sorry for myself. A week of moping around, acting like my life was over, was enough to depress even the happiest person on the planet.
I refused to think of him anymore, to remember the good times when it was all twisted in lies and wrapped in a pretty bow.
Ryder Lawson was a coward.
And Ellie May didn’t need that in her life.
I rolled my eyes and got in the shower, turning the water extra hot to wash away the tears and bad decisions.
And of course, the incorrect grammar. Never in my life had I referred to myself in the third person, and I wasn’t ever doing it again.
After showering and dressing in the most spirited dress I could find, I applied my makeup, feeling for the first time in a week a little more like myself.
“Perfect,” I grinned, tossing my lipstick into my purse.
Grabbing my keys, I headed out, my heels clacking on the sidewalk to my driveway. The smell of freshly cut grass thrilled me, reminding me of the renewal of life even in a place so freaking cold for most of the year.
For the first time in a week, I wasn’t thinking about Ryder or the way he made my vagina feel.
Well, at least for five seconds.
“Ellie.”
