The last time she wore this dress was Tom’s funeral; after weeks of subsisting only on coffee, the dress was loose. Since there’s no time to go home and get another option, she can wear this dress or her work clothes, a sensible navy skirt and cotton sweater, which are all wrong for the Spring Fling. She curses and yanks the zipper closed. This dress will have to do.
In the past, Diana and Andrea would have chosen dresses to wear to the event together, squeezing into a changing room at the mall and laughing about the unflattering lighting. But Andrea is working tonight, and Diana isn’t sure she’s up for dancing with her sister. She still hasn’t been able to let go of the hurt caused by Andrea’s reaction to Tom’s letter.
For the hundredth time that day, Diana checks her phone. After reviewing the feed from her doorbell camera app and confirming no one is currently trying to break into her house, she looks for a response from Jessica.Nothing.Ever since she reached out, Diana has been hyperaware of her phone’s beeps and buzzes. She’s slept with her phone under her pillow and once tried to take it into the shower.
There is, however, a text from Chris—Have fun tonight! Wish I was there with you—that makes her stomach wobble. Attending the Spring Fling with Chris would be a date, and she is absolutely not ready to date anyone, not even him.
Or is she?
Diana scans the text thread she and Chris share. Since she returned from Vermont, they’ve sent hundreds of texts to one another, from early-morning hellos to late-night check-ins. Their connection has been such a surprise, and she isn’t sure what to do about it. She’s still in love with Tom; how can she have feelings for Chris, too?
Her phone alarm beeps, a reminder she’s due to meet up with Camille and get to the party. Diana texts Chris a dancing emoji and drops her phone into her tote. Tonight, wearing an ill-fitting dress without pockets means the phone will have to stay behind.
“There you are!” Camille says when Diana steps into the hallway. “I was looking for you.”
Diana suspects Camille was worried she’d skip out on the fundraiser. She considered it, making a list of reasons she could offer up as an excuse:migraine, food poisoning, basement flood, Legionnaires’ disease.Since Diana is more afraid of disappointing Camille than she is of navigating this event, she’s pushed aside the excuses to show up.
“You look amazing,” Diana says. Shimmery bangles replace the customary silver bracelets at Camille’s wrists, and her braids are held off her face by a band of rhinestones. Her gold-and-silver dress has bell-shaped sleeves, with alternating stripes on the bodice.
“Yes, I do,” Camille says, smiling. “You look ready, though I’m not sure about all black.” She unties a gold silk scarf from her neck. “May I?”
Camille concentrates on adjusting the scarf around Diana, as if she’s sending her off into battle with the silk as a shield against the arrows that might come her way. Yet the gossamer fabric is too delicate, too transparent, and too beautiful, and it can’t safeguard Diana.
“That’s better.” Camille nods appreciatively. “Let’s drop off your bag and get to the party.”
When Camille and Diana arrive at the Spring Fling tent—the event having long ago become too large to be held inside the library—the DJ, who spends his days as the high school lacrosse coach, blasts “YMCA” by the Village People from a stage in the corner. Diana waves to Stephanie, whose hair tonight is fluorescent pink. Stephanie smiles and gestures to the dance floor, but Diana mouths “later” and follows Camille through the crowd.
When Camille pauses to answer a question from the caterer, Diana continues on, keeping her eyes down. She looks up once or twice in the hope that she finds someone to talk to who won’t demand anything of her.
As if she conjured up Lakshmi and Ramesh, they appear at her side, holding hands. Each time Diana sees the two of them together, she’s reminded that some people have more luck than others, that they can find their forever love and hold on to one another, never having to face life’s ups and downs alone.
“How are you?” Lakshmi says, as she kisses Diana’s cheek. Lakshmi smells like jasmine and turpentine, and Diana finds the combination comforting.
Since Lakshmi is one of the people in Diana’s life who can see through any pretense, she says what is true. “I wish I was anywhere except here.”
“You’re not on your own, are you? I thought you were with Camille,” Ramesh asks. His dark eyes scan the room as he moves to Diana’s right elbow. “You must stay with us.”
“You two are not going to babysit me all night.” Diana’s voice is prickly, and Ramesh and Lakshmi share a look. “Truly,” she adds. “Please have fun, and don’t worry about me.”
“We’re here if you need us,” says Lakshmi.
Spying Camille waiting for her, Diana forces a smile and maneuvers through the crowd.
The next hour blurs as Diana and Camille greet the library’s largest donors and the town’s leadership. The chair of Alcott Bank asks after Diana’s parents, and the Alcott Historical Society’s executive director talks about a book he recently borrowed from the library. It’s Elizabeth Donahue, the president of the library board, who asks about Tom.
“You’ve had such a difficult time, Diana. I remember what it was like when my husband died. The grief can be debilitating. How are you? Your children? How are they faring without their father?” Elizabeth takes Diana’s hands in hers, holding them together as if in prayer.
While Diana assumes Elizabeth means well—or, at least, she can convince herself the questions are asked with kindness—she’s had enough. She jerks her hands away, causing Elizabeth to stop midsentence. “Losing my husband has been awful,” she concedes. “Thank you for asking after me and my children. We’re doing a little better every day.”
“It gets easier with time,” Elizabeth says.
“That’s what people tell me. It’s still the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
Diana excuses herself.Maybe that’s the answer,she thinks as she walks away.Not hiding from the truth but owning it.
She accepts a glass of wine from a passing server and looks around. She expected to be exhausted after talking to so many people; instead, she’s alert and full of energy. She feels victorious, as if she’s overcome a demanding challenge and claimed a hard-fought medal.
She locates Jonathan on the other side of the dance floor, standing on the edge of a group of men. She walks nearby, to a high-top table covered in half-drunk champagne glasses, and catches his eye.
