Again, that mirthless, angry laugh. ‘You havenoidea how fortunate you are, no awareness whatsoever of your privilege, no idea how deep it runs.’
‘I do. I know how—’
She jabs a finger in his direction. ‘No, you don’t. Because you have nothing to measure it against. You’ve never been on the other side of luck.’
‘I have. You don’t know what it’s been like for me, being falsely—’
‘Foryou?’ Her eyes have changed. Everything has changed. It’s as if Faith has gone and this is a whole different person. ‘Oh, my heart bleeds. As it happens, I’ve been keeping an eye on you for a while, and Idoknow what it’s been like for you. I’ll tell you what, though, you haven’t got the first idea of what it’s been like forme. But I’ll tell you, if you like.’
Miles swallows. ‘Please, tell me.’ He tries to make his voice sound sympathetic and encouraging, rather than eager. He really needs her to keep talking. He continues to shuffle his feet in tiny movements. So far, he’s moved maybe a foot closer without her noticing.
‘I didn’t have the sort of cosy upbringing that you had.’ She taps a finger against her temple. ‘My mum wasn’t right in the head. She didn’t have the ability to look after herself, let alone a child. She was whacked out on heroin most of the time. And she brought bad men to the house. Men like you, who took whatever they wanted without a care about the damage they left behind.’ Faith pauses and takes a deep breath. Her speech has been slowing, and nowher words are airy and drawn-out. ‘Only one person ever looked out for me, back then.’
She pauses again. Her eyes have a sheen that reflects the rays flittering across her face. Miles’s dread deepens. When someone is pointing a gun at you, the last thing you want is for them to become emotional.
Faith appears to clear a lump in her throat. ‘I remember when Caira started coming around to the house. I was one of her first cases. I was so fascinated by her. To a seven-year-old girl, she looked like a doll, or a princess, with her bright yellow hair and pretty dresses.’
Faith’s voice has taken on a floaty, wistful quality. For the first time in minutes, her eyes leave his, looking off into the trees, as if distracted by the memory. Then she quickly turns her stare back on to Miles. ‘I remember thinking she must have been really special to have two security guards following her. But I also got the feeling she was hiding something. Because in the picture on her lanyard she had a big beaming smile, and yet the face she used with us was always serious and sad. It made me suspicious. Especially as my mother hated her. And it was a long time before I realised that what she was doing was for my own good. She wasn’t a doll, or a princess, at all. She was an angel. An angel sent for me.’
Faith’s composure appears to be waning further, the gun now visibly trembling in her hand. ‘You see, Miles. People have given up on me my entire life. But not her. She kept showing up. She wasn’t obliged to stay in contact with me once I left the care system, but she did. She was the only constant thing in my life. Pretty much the only good thing. And you killed her.’
‘I didn’t kill—’
‘Shut up! I’m talking.’ Faith dries tears from her cheeks with two brisk sweeps of her left hand. Her speech is fast again, now. ‘I know your defence. I read all the court reports, so there’s no pointin repeating it now. What I don’t understand is, why. Why you did it. So, go on. Tell me. Why did you do it, Miles? Why did you kill her?’
‘Ididn’tkill her.’
Faith growls and shakes the gun in her hand before steadying it again, so he can see directly into the barrel. Miles’s breathing is rapid. For a heart-stopping moment, he thinks the gun is going to go off.
‘Don’t youdaredeny it. If you deny it one more time, I’ll kill you right now. I’m not interested in your denials. You can argue it until you’re blue in the face, but I know the truth.’ She wipes her face and breathes deeply, appearing to compose herself. ‘You’re a good liar, though,’ she says, speaking slower and softer again. ‘You almost had me believing it myself. This whole lie, it’s like you’re method acting. The way you behave and carry yourself. All innocent. I’ll be honest, once I met you, I really didn’t think you had it in you to kill someone.’
‘I don’t have it in me. That’s what I’m trying to—’
‘Shut up.’ She tilts the gun slightly, so the barrel points towards his knees. An unspoken threat. ‘Believe me, I’ve been struggling to figure you out. You seem so gentle on the face of it. How could a nice, well-brought-up pretty boy like you commit murder? You got me doubting everything. I had to check. I had to know for sure that you did it. And now I know.’
‘What are you talking about?’ Miles whispers the question.
‘Elis. I suspected he was lying for you, to cover up what you’d done. So, the night before last, I gave him my own version of the lie detector test.’ She raises her eyebrows, as if inviting a question.
Miles says nothing.
‘After you lot fell asleep, I promised Elis I’d give him a good time if he came with me to the bird hide in the middle of the night. And his cock and balls couldn’t say no to that.’ She laughs. ‘Youmen are all the same. When we got there, I asked him about your alibi. Whether that story he told the court was true.’
She glares at him. Again, Miles decides to stay silent. But his stomach is sludgy with dread.
Faith points at him with her free hand. ‘He was loyal to you, I’ll give him that. He told me it wasalltrue, everything you and him told the court, that that’s how it happened. But then he started to change his tune. It’s funny, when you put a sharp knife to someone’s throat, they start to tell the truth. They start telling the truth pretty damn quickly.’
‘You killed him.’ Miles feels tears prick at the back of his eyes. Elis is dead because of him. Deep down, he knew it already.
‘I didn’t mean to kill him. The trouble was, I had a very sharp knife pressed against his throat when he admitted he lied to save your skin. And it made me upset. I’m not very nice when I’m upset, Miles. In fact, I can be pretty horrible when I get upset.’
There’s a silence between them, and Faith raises the angle of the gun, so it points directly at his face. Miles stands dead-still, but inside him, his blood fizzes, electrified with fear. Faith isn’t mucking around. She killed Elis, and she’s going to kill him. There’s no doubt about it. Faith has said what she wants to say. Any second now, she’s going to pull the trigger. ‘Can I ask you one question?’ Miles says. It’s a gamble, but he hopes curiosity will get the better of her.
She pouts, in thought. ‘All right.Onequestion—’
But before she can finish her sentence, Miles is already on the move. He ducks as low as he can and, in one movement, charges towards her.
Chapter 56
