My sister pauses dramatically, studying me. “You said you had a little crush on Cole when we were in high school together.”
My heart starts beating faster in my chest, thumping almost painfully.
“What of it? I was one of many.”
“I always wondered what was holding you back with guys, Holl. Whether it was because Mom kept marrying a new one every few years or because our dad is…” She gestures to the very nice dining room around us, and I know we’re both thinking of our father approaching the table in a waiter’s uniform, holding our princess cake, proud as a peacock.
“Our dad,” I finish.
“But when you told me about Cole… What if he’s part of the reason you’ve always held back?”
Chills run down my back, pooling, and I suddenly feel like I might have caught that ever-loving puke bug after all.
“Because you’re right,” Bryn says, leaning forward, warming to the subject. “There’s real zip between you. There always has been. Rory figured you hated each other, and half the time, I thought so too, but that’s only because you’ve been holding yourself back from what you want. Holly, you’re one of the most loving people I know to the people you let into your life, but you’ve never let a man in before. What if you’ve stayed away from relationships because you only ever wanted one with him?”
I force a laugh, but it sounds unamused to my own ears, because I feel like she just wrenched my chest open and started playing with my heart like it’s a hacky sack.
What if she has a point?
Does that make me impossibly pathetic?
Because even if Cole liked me back then, the way he admitted the other day, he didn’t like me likethat. He didn’t like me enough that he could never open his heart to another woman.
I don’t resent that, not even a little. Millie was an absolute exception to the all-Labelles-are-assholes rule, and Jane is the coolest kid I’ve ever met. She wouldn’t be here if Cole hadn’t married someone else.
All the same, I don’t like the idea that I’m this pathetic weirdo who may have subconsciously been lifting every hot loser I dated up to a Cole-sized ruler.
None of them measured up.
Not even close.
And I only partially mean that in the dick-measuring sense.
“I can tell you’re freaking out,” Bryn says.
“You think? You make me sound like a pathetic weirdo with an incredibly long long game.”
She smiles at me and does the tummy rubbing thing. “Small Stuff and I don’t think you’re the slightest bit pathetic. Here’s the thing about us Mayberrys, Holly.” Her mouth twists to the side. “Well, the younger generation. When we fall, we fall hard. We don’t do anything in halves. Maybe your heart knew before your head was ready.”
“This doesn’t sound like you at all,” I say, my eyes widening. It doesn’t. When we were at this restaurant last fall, she was all gung-ho to marry her white-bread ex, just because she thought he was on the verge of asking. “Falling in love has fucked with your head.”
“Agreed,” she says. “And thank God for that.”
“Do you talk to Rowan like this?”
She laughs so hard she snorts. “Could you imagine?”
“Nope, that’s why I asked.”
“It’ll happen for him too,” she says with perfect certainty. “It’ll happen for him like it did for me. And foryou.”
My whole body feels like it’s a combustible mix of hope and fear and…love.
Goddammit.
“Bryn,” I say, my voice small. “We both know Cole’s never dated anyone since Millie died. He says he wants more than one night, but what if that only means five nights. Or seven? He doesn’t even want Jane to know yet. Maybe because he thinks it’ll be over before she can find out.”
“Holly Mayberry,” Bryn says, “no one who’s ever met you would only want you for that long. He’s just trying to protect his kid. Don’t you wish Mom had protected us?”
