“Your master suffers twice as much, having an audience for his misery. Wilson and I shall sit in the second coach with the luggage. You must not let him argue against my decision.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
The second coach was anticipated within a quarter of an hour after Mr Darcy’s principal coach pulled out of the yard, but in fact, it had been delayed by a broken harness and arrived nearly an hour later. As we waited in the private parlour set aside for my husband’s use, I drank tea and read while Wilson sewed one of my gowns. In a lull between chapters in my book, I asked if I had overlooked a torn hem.
“I am taking in this seam just a little, ma’am. This gown will fit you much better when I am finished with it.”
“Truly? How very convenient for me. I have never had any notion how to make a dress fit better. That one, if I recall correctly, was made by my aunt Philips from some muslin sent from London.”
“ ’Tis a fine weave with a pleasing pattern. It will look new when it is made over. You might have been—well, I shall not say plump, for you must have always been slender. But perhaps you have lost some weight since it was first made?”
“Oh well, what with such a tumult as is brought on by a wedding, leaving my family, and travelling into a future completely unknown, I suppose my appetite has dwindled a little.” To say it had absconded would have been more accurate, but I could not say so without inviting questions. Seeking a diversion from this disheartening truth, Ispoke with a particle of mirth. “If I becomeplumpat Pemberley, will this alteration not be a waste of your effort?”
“Mrs Darcy of Pemberley will have all new gowns made twice a year, and this one will end in the poor box in under a month.”
“The poor box! Twice a year!”
“At the very least, ma’am.”
“I suppose you are an expert in such requirements. Tell me, how many gowns should I bespeak when we arrive in Derbyshire, and where will we find a proper modiste?”
“I am told Miss Darcy, when she is not in town, gives her custom to a dressmaker in Derby, which is not more than an hour from Pemberley. As to the number of gowns, ma’am, I have made a list.”
“Gracious!” I cried after perusing the list she brought out of her pocket.
“Just so, ma’am.”
“But I can hardly acquire all this in one sitting. To do so would hardly be prudent. Two ball gowns! Mr Darcy does not strike me as a man enamoured of entertaining, and I do not anticipate so much society as to make use of half of this wardrobe.”
Wilson handed me a second list. “I anticipated you might not wish to buy everything all at once, and having been through your trunks, I have devised a list of essentials for now.”
“Thank goodness. I shall only ask that you add a serviceable walking dress and a new pair of walking boots.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“And I shall give up two pairs of slippers in order to make sure my boots are as comfortable and as well made as possible.When we reach Pemberley, will you enquire as to a suitable boot maker for me?”
Wilson of course committed to do so, and then the second carriage was ready for us at last. Given the gravity of the situation, I wondered how I had spent that quarter of an hour in which I did not think of anything save such frivolous concerns as my wardrobe. But what else could I think of? I could have thought of my mother, my sisters—but no. Bringing them to mind even in passing caused tears to build behind my eyes.
Upon writing my new name in the church registry, I had felt my former life to have been amputated like a critical limb, and by instinct I knew my survival hung precariously upon a resolution to face only what lay directly before me. Those of more tender dispositions may have mourned more openly and thought me strangely callous to think of dresses and such, but I would have countered that sorrow has many faces, and far from being a virtue of which I could be proud, my stoicism only betrayed how near I was to forfeiting my sanity.
With the past closed to me and a future entirely unknown, I then lapsed into contemplation of how I could possibly sustain my spirits under such trying circumstances. The change in the landscape outside my window soon pulled me out of such useless rumination, however, for the air smelt sharply of black dirt and tall grasses unknown in Hertfordshire, and we climbed up and down hills and through valleys of rock fall.
Thankfully, the inn in Nottingham was a superior establishment. I immediately sent for Romney. He arrived promptly to speak to me.
“How is Mr Darcy faring?” I asked.
“Resting, ma’am. I believe he might be slightly improved.”
“Should we not summon a doctor?”
“He has forbidden me to do so, ma’am.”
“And I suppose we do not contradict him?”
“No, ma’am, we do not.”
“I see. However, if he is no better in the morning, we will send for someone. I shall send up a note later. Please ask for me if he worsens, no matter the hour.”
