She sighed. Two minutes ago, she’d been giving serious consideration to staying here. Now, she wasn’t sure what she was going to do. California no longer felt like home. But did Hideaway Bay?
She just wasn’t sure.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Frankie sat in bed, staring at the book on her tablet without seeing the words. Her heart and her head hurt. Her job was the only thing keeping her from being homeless. A harsh truth, but it was what it was.
But the possibility of a life with Lucas? That felt like a dream. A distant one, almost within her grasp and yet so far.
The bottom line was that a really good man was interested in being with her and she was going to have to walk away from him. A new ache bloomed in her chest. This wasn’t fair. It wasn’t one bit fair.
All because of the debt she’d incurred divorcing her husband. It was easy to say it was Tom’s fault, that the divorce had only happened because of him. That was true. But maybe she could have stuck things out. Dealt with his garbage.
She shook her head. That was a lie. She couldn’t have stayed. Not if she’d wanted to remain sane and healthy.
But this was an untenable situation. It was the absolute definition of injustice. It felt, in the worst possible way, like she was turning her back on her last chance at happiness. And she couldn’t do anything about it.
She’d never thought she’d get a second chance at love. She’d resigned herself to that reality during the divorce. She’d thought she was okay with it, too. Then Lucas had come into her life, and it was as if the sun had begun to shine on her again.
She felt valuable again. Not just because a man had looked at her. She wasn’t that vain. It was because another human being saw worth in her. Wanted her. Wanted to be with her. To spend time with her. Found value in her words and ideas. Thought she was creative and talented.
Thought she was beautiful.
A tear slipped down her cheek. She wiped it away, wishing the sick feeling inside her could be so easily disposed of.
Why was life so hard?
The screen of her tablet went dark, automatically shutting down after so many minutes without interaction. She put it aside and tipped her head back against the pillows to stare at the ceiling.
What would actually happen if she resigned as vice-principal, gave up her apartment, and moved here?
Well, for one thing, Harper hadn’t even decided to stay here, so Frankie was predicating these suppositions on a lot of maybes.
But if Harper stayed, and whatifFrankie did all that, what would happen? She’d have to find another job. It probably wouldn’t pay as well or have the same benefits, but she could find something. Even being a cashier at Publix would be all right. A job was a job. Maybe she’d get a discount on groceries. That would be great.
Would she have insurance? She supposed that would depend on the kind of work she could find or where that job was. She doubted she’d be able to pay for it on her own. Insurance was expensive.
What would Harper expect her to pay? Frankie would want to pay her fair share. Just because her sister had inherited this place didn’t mean there weren’t bills. Electric, internet, water, insurance, and whatever else Frankie’s tired mind couldn’t come up with at the moment. But it wouldn’t be a small amount.
She’d have to talk to Harper about that, obviously.
Could Frankie afford whatever that amount was? What if she really did focus on her own illustration and graphic design business? How much work could she possibly pull in? Right now, the business was something she could only give her full attention to in the summer months when she wasn’t at school.
During a good summer, when she had work lined up, she might make an extra three to five thousand dollars. That was for roughly six weeks of dedicated effort. That was all the time she had off from school.
Using the low number of three thousand, she divided that by six weeks. That came out to five hundred dollars a week. Or two thousand dollars a month. Which was a measly twenty-four thousand a year.Ifshe could get work year-round. Not exactly a lot to live on.
And if she couldn’t get work year-round?
There was no way that was enough to live on. Not with the payment she had to make toward her lawyer’s fees. Was she just supposed to stop eating? And what about insurance? Other than the necessary auto insurance, health insurance wasn’t even a consideration.
She frowned. This was a pointless exercise. There was no way she could make such a drastic change. Trying to find a way was only sinking her deeper into the stark reality of her sad swamp of a life.
Tomorrow, she would go talk to Lucas and tell him the truth. There was no future for them, no matter how much sheliked him, no matter how much she wanted it. Her life just had limitations that his did not.
She’d never wanted to have a conversation less than that one.
She put her tablet on the nightstand next to where her phone was charging and turned off the light. She lay down and though she felt like crying herself to sleep, she didn’t. Wouldn’t accomplish anything and she’d just wake up with puffy eyes.
