His jaw tightened. “Do what?”
“This,” I said, gesturing vaguely between us. My heart was still racing, my whole body insanely hot. “Whatever this is. Whatever it was about to turn into.”
Jay exhaled through his nose and said huskily, “You don’t want this.” It wasn’t a question.
I shook my head. “Wanting you isn’t the issue,” I whispered.
“It’s because I’m a dentist, isn’t it?”
My brow furrowed. “What, no?—”
“I know something happened at your father’s clinic,” he said, and the defensiveness in his voice surprised me. “You were demeaned. Made to feel small. So now you’re scared I’m going to do the same.”
“That’s not it.”
“Isn’t it?” he shot back. “Have I not proven I’m not whoever did that to you?”
I opened my mouth, then closed it, struggling to find the words to explain exactly why this couldn’t happen between us. “Jay…”
His hands flexed at his sides. “Because it feels like you’re lumping me in with them. Like you don’t trust me.”
I shook my head. No—I knew now that I didn’t fear him. I was at least confident in that. “I’m not afraid of you.”
“Then why did you push me away?”
My laugh came out sharp and a little hysterical. “Because I’m afraid of me.”
That made him pause.
I dragged a hand through my hair, words tumbling out faster now. “I’m into you, okay? I’m embarrassingly into you, Jay. The kind of into you that wrecks my ability to think clearly and makes me say things I absolutely should not be saying to my boss-slash-neighbor.”
Jay opened his mouth, but I kept going.
“And that’s the problem,” I said. “I’m finally good here. I like my job. I actually like working for you. I’mmaking friends, and let me tell you, I don’t make friends, okay?” I sucked in another frantic breath. “I’m writing my book. I’m getting a handle on my anxiety instead of letting it run my life. I’m building something that feels like mine instead of my father’s.”
His navy eyes looked almost pained as the admission left my lips. He looked ready to reach for me, but I stepped away before he could.
“And whatever this is between us?” I pointed at him. “It’s not small. It’s not simple. And everything would change if I pursued it.” I swallowed. “What if it didn’t work out? I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t just pretend everything was fine and keep living in your house and working beside you as your employee.”
Jay’s expression shifted, frustration draining from his eyes and something colder and more certain taking over.
“So this isn’t about being afraid of me,” he said finally.
“No,” I said. “It’s about self-preservation.”
He nodded once. “I see.”
The words were heavy, hitting me like a punch to the gut.
“If being around me complicates things,” Jay said, jaw clenching. “Then I won’t get close to you.”
I took a step toward him, and this time he was the one who retreated. “Jay?—”
“No,” he interrupted, calm but firm. “You’re right. You’re building something. And I won’t be the thing that destabilizes it. I’ll keep things professional,” he continued. “At work and at home.” His jaw tightened. “I won’t touch you. I won’t flirt. I won’t put you in a position where you have to choose between me and the life you’re trying to build.”
I opened my mouth to speak again, the overwhelmingneed to keep explaining rising in my chest. “I—” But he stopped me.
“I’m the one who told you to breathe again,” he said, shaking his head. “I refuse to be the reason you stop.”
