“Okay,” Macey said, leaning in. “I will admit. I wasn’t expecting that.”
Tyler’s brow furrowed. “Are you okay?”
It was such a simple question. It almost made me tear up again.
“I think so?” I said, though it didn’t sound very convincing.
Macey sobered. “I can’t believe you’ve been carrying all of this alone. I do wish you’d told us sooner, but I understand why you felt the need just to leave.”
“Thank you,” I whispered. “I feel horrible that I didn’t respond for so long. I was just trying to cope.”
“We understand,” Tyler said gently.
Macey reached over and pulled me into a hug. “We love you, Hope. We just want to make sure you’re okay.”She paused. “Also, I will totally go kick Jay’s butt for you if it will make you feel better about what he did.”
I let out a small chuckle. “Thank you, but I don’t think that’ll be necessary.” I sobered, a small truth bubbling up inside me. “I hate to say it, but I think I’m starting to understand why he did it.”
Macey nodded slowly.
“Love blinds us sometimes. It can be as intense as fear, or anger, or even anxiety. And sometimes they all tangle together if you’re unlucky enough. I think he just desperately didn’t want to lose you. And can you blame him?” She turned to look at me, more serious than I’d ever seen her. “You’re amazing, Hope.”
I went still.
The walls I’d built around my heart over the last three months—desperately fighting not to forgive Jay for what he’d done—cracked a little.
He didn’t want to lose me. And I never considered that maybe it was also because he’d already lost so much.
He’d lost everyone—his father, his mother.
Maybe I needed to consider for just a moment that he was reacting to everything he’d been through. I wasn’t perfect either. My past had led me to do all sorts of things I regretted. In fact, I knew my past had caused me to do things that weren’t exactly right or kind. But Jay had been patient with me.
And now I needed to give a little.
I needed to accept his apology because if it were me, I’d want that.
I’d been denying it for weeks, but the truth was simple and terrifying:
I was in love with Jay Alarcón.
And I didn’t want to spend another second without him knowing.
“Thank you,” I said. I reached out to hug Macey again, and she let out a surprised noise but hugged me back. “I needed this.”
“Of course—wait,” she pulled back slightly. “Where are you going?”
I slid out of the booth and grabbed my purse and coat. “I have something I have to do.”
Tyler and Macey exchanged knowing smiles.
“Good luck,” Tyler said.
“You’d better text me,” Macey threatened.
I slapped a few bills down on the table and shot them both a quick smile before hurrying out the door and into the cold, wintry night.
CHAPTER 66
Macey’s words were still ringing in my ears when I stepped into the snow.
