But the ache that didn’t immediately go away said otherwise.
I stepped out of my car and he was already coming around the other side to help me retrieve my bag from the passenger seat.
“I assume you still have a key?” he asked, handing my duffel to me.
“Yeah,” I said.
He nodded, his jaw clenching.
Not trusting myself to say anything more, I turned away from him and walked up the driveway to the garage entrance and then slipped the key that was still on my key ring into the slot. I stepped inside a few moments later.
The familiar stairwell greeted me, and the sight of it made something inside my chest ache. I hadn’t realized how much I’d longed for this place during the last three months of constant drifting.
When I flipped on the lights at the top of the stairs, I wasn’t sure what I’d expected. But it definitely wasn’t that everything would be left exactly where it was.
The blanket I’d abandoned was still draped over the back of the couch. My coasters sat neatly on the coffee table in their designated tray. The remote to the TV was by the lamp. My main hot chocolate mug was still on the counter. It was as if he hadn’t touched a thing.
Something fluttered in my stomach and I forced myself to squash it.
He’d lied about my dad. I needed to remember that.
I walked into the bedroom, set my bag down, and crawled beneath the covers. The soft sheets that smelled like lavender were a welcome change from the faint cigarette smoke ones I’d been living in for the last few days.
I expected to lie there, unable to sleep. I assumed my body would hold a grudge the way my heart did.
But it didn’t.
The moment my head met the pillow, sleep began to overtake me. My eyes grew heavy, and I drifted off far too quickly.
It felt like my body subconsciously knew I was home.
Even if I refused to admit it.
CHAPTER 60
While I waited for interview day to arrive, I started looking for jobs.
It felt much like the time I’d first come to Big Bear and started searching—extremely difficult.
After only a few hours of scrolling through listings and applying for a few dozen random positions, I was officially spent. I could only stare at a computer screen for so long before my head and eyes started to feel like they were melting.
I debated picking up a book. But something in me just couldn’t crack open a paperback. Especially not by Lindy, who used to be my escape, because now it made me think of Jay every time I read one of her novels.
But I did have a tiny, minuscule desire to write…maybe.
It had been a while since I’d had any desire.
I was desperate.
I openedAll The Lightsand stared at a blank cursor.
The story didn’t feel right as I stared at the last chapter I’d written a few months ago.
And then I had the inane thought that I needed to try something new. Start over. But I’d written almost fifty thousand words in this manuscript. I hesitated but then opened a new blank document and that felt better.
Maybe I just needed a fresh place to escape. Something that hadn’t been touched.
I started writing down my thoughts on everything that happened over the last few months. I didn’t think too much about it.
