“Take me seriously,” he said, throwing his hand inside the blanket at me, playfully hitting me with the fur. “I have savings, I can sell my apartment, and I can quit. I’ve worked mymandatory contract, and in reality, I don’t think it was ever the job for me. I just felt like—like I was playing pretend as an FBI agent. I was never actually much of a field agent anyway, mostly an analyst.”
“Baby,” I said, tucking a hand under his chin and holding his gaze. “For this to work, I can’t tell you what to do, and you can’t do this for me.” I shook my head, as if my body was betraying me, knowing it wanted to tell Kalen what to do. “You have to makethisdecision yourself, otherwise I’d be the one who made you, and as much as I love what we’re making with each other. I don’t want you to make any decisions you might think are wrong in the future.”
Kalen’s adorable smile remained through it all. “How will we ever know if anything is a good or bad decision if we don’t make it?”
“All I’m saying is, I want you to stay, I want you to be here, but I’m not going to demand you quit your job, or do anything you don’t want to,” I said. “Regardless of my reputation or the handcuffs in that room. Which I’m thinking I could transform into a play den for you.”
“What?”
“But that’s not to sway you.”
He giggled. “I’m already swayed,” he said. “And I wanted to tell you before I did it. But I’m quitting, and I’m going to work at the LGBTQ plus center and be close enough to take care of my mom and also explore this with you.”
I leaned in, unbothered by his morning breath, and I kissed him. “You know,” I whispered in my deep morning voice. “This could’ve all gone a lot differently.”
He shook his head. “I think you wanted this from the start.”
And truth be told, he wasn’t wrong. If he hadn’t come stinking of the Feds, I might’ve taken him over my desk, butmaybe it would’ve all ended there, or maybe he would’ve called me Daddy then, and I would’ve had the same full-body shiver, like an electrical orgasm dancing across my skin.
“So, you’re quitting your job and going to work for a non-profit?”
His big eyes blinked. “Since I know what kind of business you’re in, I’m assuming that’s not all.”
I tapped my thumb on his nose. “That’s adult business, baby.”
“And I don’t expect you to feel like you have to stay with me forever because I quit my job. Because I’m not doing it for you,” he said, nodding his head to himself. “I’m doing it for me.”
“Good,” I said. “I already told you. The last thing I want is you doing this for me.” He pressed his head against my chest and cuddled close. This is how I should’ve woken up this morning, his head on my chest, my hand doing its best to stroke softly.
“Plus, I’m doing it for my mom,” he said.
I liked his reasoning. I’d do anything for my mom too. And maybe eventually they could both be friends. I think that would be fun, to have my mom take care of his mom, and me take care of him. And as much as he was protesting about not taking any money, I didn’t care. I’d do anything, and he wouldn’t have to take my money, that was between me and whatever doctor’s clinic he was taking her to.
“I love you,” he said in a soft whisper against my skin.
“I love you,” I said back, running my hand through his hair, and pulling his head back so I could kiss his forehead. It was perfect. I wanted to wake up like this morning for the rest of my life. I needed to, in fact, wake up this way. There was nothing greater than the joy inside my stomach, than the sweetness of his love as he squeezed his body against mine, and I didn’t want it to stop. I didn’t want to let him stop squeezing my body, or me for to stop squeezing his.
We wrestled a little on the sofa, our naked bodies entangled with the fur blanket. It was the start of the forever I saw myself having, really playing house, really finding someone who could be attracted to all the darker parts of who I was.
For the first time since my father’s death, I’d found my joy—besides the joy of his death.
The moment was perfect.
Kalen wasperfect.
EPILOGUE
Three Months Later
KALEN
Life changed fast when I quit working for the government. They had me in their New York offices for over three hours with questions about what I was going to do with my time and making sure I knew anything I’d learned during my time was under an ironclad NDA, but honestly, none of that even mattered.
My mom’s life had changed a lot too. Her lungs were getting worse, and she had mild cognitive impairment. It meant she needed more people around her. It meant she needed friends, and Rocco suggested introducing his mom to my mom, and honestly, I was scared when he said it. My mom had no filter sometimes, and Rocco’s mom had that scary mob wife vibe—but they got along, to the point that it strengthened my relationship with Rocco.
The LGBTQIA center officially opened last week. I had a job there working in information distribution. I knew Rocco was doing hisbusinessthere too, but I was staying out of it, like a good little boy. In fact, Isaiah was the same with Santo. We didn’t ever talk about their stuff, but we both knew they were capable of dangerous things.
At the center, Isaiah had taken on the role of manager. He joked about it being gifted to him by Santo, but he actually had a degree for the stuff. In his office, there was a wall of collectable Sublime teddies in their original boxes, all on show.
