“We had a bit of a messy start,” Rocco said. “But we can go forward together and make it not somessy.” He pressed his nose into my neck again. “Do I really smell that good? Or is it just you?”
I had sprayed his colognes on myself, but in the moment, I giggled and said it was just me. He tickled me a little, wrestling me onto my back. The soft couch, much like his bed when the pillowy duvet was down, absorbed me in its comfort. I pulled away when he tried kissing me and my stomach rumbled.
“First thing, we should do something about those fingers in the freezer,” I said. “And second, I need food.”
“What’s the magic words?”
“Pweese, Daddy.”
11. ROCCO
I ordered so much junk food for us to indulge in—burgers, nuggets, fries, large soft drinks. We pigged out on it in front of the TV with some adult animation shows he wanted to show me. I would’ve called them cartoons, but these ones were definitely for an adult audience. I never grew up watching TV, only the news.
“I might have to quit my job anyway,” Kalen said.
“Why?” I asked, pushing my gut out and rubbing my hands over my stomach.
“My mom,” he said.
“If you don’t mind me asking, what’s wrong?”
He paused, dipping his nugget into the ketchup then leaving it there and facing me. “She’s forgetful, doesn’t eat, stops using her nebulizer, and her mood changes.” He snapped his fingers. “Sometimes, I don’t know which version of her I’m gonna get. She’s nice, then she can be annoyed and angry. I think she also forgets that she was ever mad as well, like she just doesn’t remember.”
I rubbed his back softly in circles. “And she’s able to get the help at the doctor’s?”
“She needs referrals, but to get those, she needs to actually go to her appointments,” he said. “She also needs to remember to eat.”
“I saw her with you, right?”
“Yeah. She’s always in these oversized knitted and crocheted cardigans and sweaters. But I—I hugged her the other day and she was concerning,” he said, and I could feel him lightening, like he was letting all the weight on top of him leave. It was nice to see, but the idea he had all this responsibility over his mom concerned me. I wanted to help him, but I knewhe didn’t want help, not the type I’d offered. He didn’t want my money. “I’m just kinda glad I’m here for the night.”
“And not in your car going back to New York?” I asked. “I already looked at the apartment you’ve got there.”
“You—you broke in?” he asked.
“No, I just looked it up on Zillow,” I laughed. “I definitely haven’t had the time to go break into your apartment, get back here, and then deal with my brother.”
Kalen threw himself into my arms.
We were both so lethargic from eating that we lay in that position together for a moment longer. I didn’t know if he’d ever move again, like a cat pawing at my soft and hard belly, making biscuits—or whatever it was they did to massage you, like the human equivalent of fluffing a pillow.
“I don’t want to go to sleep,” he whispered.
“We don’t have to,” I said, taking his hand and kissing the back of it. I didn’t have the energy to lift him up and kiss him. “We can do whatever you want, and maybe we could discuss how we’re going to work. Like, together, in the dynamic and stuff.”
All I had to go on was my brother and his boyfriend. Isaiah was sweet, quiet, and the very definition of a submissive twink—of course, Santo could never know I viewed him that way. We’d already fallen out with Tomaso, the two of us didn’t need to fracture as well.
Eventually carrying Kalen to the bedroom, I placed him on the duvet in a pile on the floor.
“Why are all those doors locked?” he asked.
“My office,” I told him. “The room with the cuffs. And the third room is a spare bedroom but it’s currently just full of paperwork.”
Kalen spread his arms and legs out like he was making an angel in the duvet. “It’s a nice place.”
“Nicer with you in it,” I said. I hated coming home. It was large and empty. Although I probably could’ve made it more of a home if I’d ever wanted to, but the want never crossed me, not until now. “So, are you gonna help me change this bedsheet, or do you wanna just lie there on the floor like a little prince?”
He giggled, kicking his feet. “I’ll help. I think I made the mess.”
