“Thanks, I really appreciate it.” He smiles. “I should get going, my boyfriend is meeting me uptown, and he hates it when I’m late.”
“See you Monday!”
Cari gives him a quick hug, and I manage a, “Nice to meet you,” while feeling like an idiot.
Once he’s out of earshot, Cari turns to me and hands me my bagel. I unwrap it halfway, eating it as we walk. She’s staring at me, but I pretend I don’t notice. It’s hard considering that she’s basically staring me down. But I don’t know what to say: Sorry for thinking your gay bestie was actually your secret boyfriend? I was jealous and I know now that I shouldn’t have been.
I lead her to the subway, hoping that she can’t ask me over the sound of the passing trains and crowded station. But when we sit down in a surprisingly empty train car, she turns to me. “So, are you going to tell me what that was about?”
I play dumb for a moment. “What?”
Cari raises both eyebrows and just stares at me. “You were incredibly jealous back there, Miss Montgomery.”
I groan at her use of my last name. Something about it being used like a nickname is hot. “Was I?”
“Oh my gosh! You so were!” Cari hits my shoulder playfully. “You know, I thought you might have been, but then you’re being so weird about it! Is it possible that Max Montgomery was jealous of someone talking to me!?”
She’s way too happy about this; it would be adorable if it weren’t embarrassing. How did I become this person?
“Maybe I was for like half a second.” I roll my eyes.
“I knew it!” she shouts a bit too loudly, getting a dirty look from a nearby old man. She ignores him and keeps going, “It was cute seeing you get jealous.”
I don’t say anything, leading her off the train at our stop. She smiles, holding her manicured hand, and I’m internally groaning. Why the hell is this adorable? We make it outside, and it’s a fifteen-minute walk to the thrift store, so I stop to turn to her.
“Maybe we should talk, like about this and us,” I say, seriously.
Cari studies my face, I’m not sure what she’s looking for. Her face is unreadable for the first time. When she finally answers, it feels like eons later.
“Okay.”
We sit down on a random bus bench we find half a block later, and she waits for me to start. She looks calm, but I can feel her palms starting to sweat, and I realize I’ve probably made her think I’m trying to end this. Like I have so many times before.
“I’m not trying to end this,” I say first, hoping to get it out of the way.
Cari takes a deep breath and then laughs. “Thank goodness.”
“I was just hoping we could make sure we’re on the same page about everything. We’ve never done this before, and I told you I wanted to do it right. I wanted to make sure we aren’t going to lose our friends if this doesn’t work out, or worse, hurt each other. I care about you,” I explain.
“I care about you too,” she says quietly.
“I’m looking for something serious. Someone to spend my life with, no matter how that might look. I’m not looking to besome lesbian U-Haul stereotype, but settling down at some point in the future might not be the worst thing,” I say.
“Is Max Montgomery ready for a relationship?” She feigns a gasp, and I’m the one to laugh.
“Yes, I think I really am.” I nod.
“I didn’t think you liked relationships.”
“I thought I wasn’t the relationship type. I thought maybe I had my chance and that it was gone. But I was wrong, because when I met you, everything changed.” I look up at her blue eyes, and they catch my reflection in the sun. Somehow, it doesn’t scare me how deeply I’m starting to feel for this girl.
“Wow,” she says softly.
Have I made her speechless?
“I think if this is going to work, we have to continue with this open communication. I can’t shut down and you have to talk to me too. But I also want us both to stay in therapy. I think it’s good for us to have someone outside to talk to. Someone who isn’t our friend, who might just agree with us,” I add.
“I like that, I agree. I don’t think this would have worked if we really tried it in the past. We weren’t the people we are now,” she says.
