“I want you to meet my assistant…” Ellie is still talking, but everything else goes quiet when I see Cari standing in front of me.
Her blonde hair in bubble braids, her makeup done as usual with pink lipgloss shiny across her lips, and a green dress with long sleeves that is a bit more modest than I’m used to from her.
It feels like a lifetime passes as we stare at each other, but I’m sure it’s only a second or two. I have a million questions racing through my mind as I see her. For some reason, I can’t seem to calm my heart for her.
“Uh, hey,” I say finally, offering my hand to Cari. I didn’t know what Ellie knew about us, and I wasn’t about to make an issue for Cari at what is seemingly a new job.
“Nice to meet you.” Cari follows my lead and shakes my hand. Her soft, manicured hand falling into mine.
“Okay, Cari is going to give you the model order and I’m going to grab something to eat. I’m starving!” Ellie excuses herself, but I wait until she’s out of earshot to speak.
“What are you doing here?” I ask quietly.
“I work for Ellie. I started like a month ago,” she says calmly. “I saw you were the photographer, but I didn’t want to make it an issue in my first week on the job. Plus, there wasn’t any way Icould warn you. I didn’t think we should jeopardize our careers. Surely we can be civil?”
I pause.
Her response is calm and cool, she’s not doing some elaborate scheme to see me or get me back. It really is just a coincidence, and she was right; we aren’t going to jeopardize each other’s careers. I don’t know when she switched from influencer to assistant, but it isn’t the time to ask. Or to ask why, even though I am curious.
“Okay, sure. I’m just surprised,” I admit.
“I understand. I’m sorry about everything, but I like this job and do it well, so I’d like to continue. But if you truly don’t feel comfortable I can make an excuse and remove myself,” Cari says, waiting for my reply.
“No, it’s okay. I’m sorry too, you weren’t alone in everything. We can move forward as coworkers for the day,” I agree.
“So, this is the model line-up. Ellie wants the vibe to be playful and gay, but to also focus on the bodies. We want it to be shown that the clothes are enjoyed by everyone, and everyone is enjoying themselves,” Cari explains, handing me a piece of paper.
I look it over, and none of the names sound familiar, so I watch as she continues pointing things out.
Cari is explaining the poses, the spots Ellie and the bar managers asked to focus on, as well as what to stay away from. But it’s hard to focus on all the words she’s saying. There’s something different about her; it’s almost like her aura, or something, is calmer. I don’t know what’s different, but she doesn’t seem as wild as she did six months ago.
In the past, running into me would’ve sent her into a spiral and chaos of throwing things or getting drunk. But she seems to be taking it in her stride, as if she doesn’t even care. It is a littleunsettling; not that I’m not happy for her. But I want to know what is different.
She looks the same, yet healthier in a way. There’s no weed pen tucked behind her ear where she used to keep it, but then again, she is at work.
Maybe she is taking care of herself? I wish I still had her on social media so I could take a peek to see what I am missing. I’m half tempted to sneak to the bathroom and unblock her to check. Do people get a notification when you unblock them? I doubt it, but you couldn’t put it past these app creators. If there is money in it they might not think twice about it.
“All good?” Cari asks, and I realize I haven’t been paying attention at all.
“Yup,” I lie, but she laughs, and I know she’s seen right through me.
“Okay, let me start over, but this time try paying attention,” she teases. Yeah, there is definitely something different about her.
It hits me all at once like a truck. This is the version of Cari I met the night River and Aspen reconnected at the first LULY concert. She’s calm, funny, and beautiful. At the time, I thought it would just be a one-night stand, but instead, we spent the entire weekend together. It was like every lesbian stereotype, we spent the weekend doing every position possible and talking about everything. Well, almost everything. I didn’t tell her about Chelsea and our almost wedding—but everything else. We laughed, made grilled cheese, smoked a little of her weed, and kept making plans.
When we first met, it felt so unexpected. I hadn’t wanted someone like that since Chelsea.
I don’t have the time to think about my last therapy session right now, but something Ben had said is repeating in my head. I can’t remember his exact words, but it was something alongthe lines of wondering what the effects of being closed off and ending relationships would do to me long term.
I had spent so much time trying to push Cari away that I never gave our relationship a chance. I was a fuck boy, only letting her get close in the ways I allowed. I hope after the shoot we’d have a moment to talk a little more. As much as she thought she had to apologize, in reality it should be me apologizing to her. I hate thinking about the way I treated her when, in reality, all I needed was a little closure and some therapy.
Chapter Twenty-One
CARI
Max was behind the camera, less than five feet from me, while we got the final shots of the day. I didn’t know how I’d react being near Max, it was something Shirley and I talked about for the last few weeks. It was the first out-of-town job Ellie was trusting me on, and I wasn’t going to bail.
I mean, what would I have even said, ‘Sorry, the photographer is my ex, situationship, and it ended badly’? So, I was being a grown up about it and having my feelings about it in therapy. Shirley and I had gone through every possible reaction Max might have, and it made the whole experience a lot more manageable.
