“You know it’s not up to me to make decisions about your life. But I do think we should discuss it further before you make any moves. Unfortunately, for this week we are out of time. Do you think we can pick it up next week?” he asks.
“Sure.” I nod. Standing, I slip my phone into my back pocket, grab my coat, and leave the office.
It’s getting chillier today, and I definitely need my coat buttoned up and my gloves. I decide to stop and get a coffee at the shop next door. I’m thinking about grabbing a bagel when I see none other than Ava walking into the shop. I glance at myself in the mirror behind the barista, and I’m grateful I don’t have a case of bedhead.
“Hey, are you stalking me?” I joke, appearing in front of Ava. She looks up from her phone and laughs.
“Max! What are you doing here?” She pulls out the AirPods from her ears, tucking them away in their case.
“I was just grabbing some breakfast. What about you?” I ask, noticing her full face of makeup.
“I was on a go see. I got the job, so I’m treating myself to an iced coffee.” She smiles. While I haven’t been present at go see’s, I do know enough about the industry that it’s basically an audition for the model. If she has the right look and poses, she is usually chosen.
“Let me, would you like to sit and have breakfast with me?” I ask.
“Sure.” She smiles, orders first, and I pay for both of us.
Ava grabs us a booth in the back, and I carry our coffees. I check out her ass because I’m too gay not to. I probably shouldn’t be doing this, but it’s not like my therapist said not to. And besides, it’s not like he’d know I was going to run into her right now. It’s mid-morning, it probably isn’t going to end with her bent over my bed. Not that it would be the first time that’s happened, but this is innocent.
“So, you live around here?” Ava asks as I sit across from her.
“Now who’s the stalker,” I tease but then add, “Yeah I was walking around and wanted a quick bite.”
“Makes sense. How did the photos come out? It sucks never knowing until they’re literally being plastered everywhere.”
“They came out really good, of course, I’d show you if I could. I actually just sent them to Alec,” I say.
“No worries, I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble.”
“So what’s the modeling gig for?” I ask curiously, taking a bite of my bagel.
“A hair product. I’m not sure which one, and I’m not allowed to say the brand until the paperwork is filed. But hopefully it should lead to better things.” She smiles, sipping her coffee.
“Do you usually make passes at the photographers you’re with?” I smirk.
“Only if they’re gay and hot.” She winks. “Though I was surprised you didn’t text me.”
“I’ve been busy,” I lie. I didn’t want to explain that my therapist hadn’t given me the green light yet.
“I see.”
“Are you doing any more go sees today?” I ask.
“Yeah, I have one later, but it’s in the city. And then I’m free until tomorrow.”
I know she’s telling me this so I’ll get the hint and ask her out. And although I get the hint, I don’t ask. It’s weird. Ava seems nice, and there is nothing obviously wrong with her. But it also doesn’t feel the way it does with Cari. That spark, the excitement, is gone. I knew if I spent the night with Ava, we’d have the most boring lesbian sex there is, and she’d probably be a pillow princess. I’m not in the mood to entertain that. I’m too pent up not having someone on speed dial who knows how to make me cum properly. I’m almost tempted to unblock Cari just for that, but that wouldn’t be fair. We aren’t good for each other and I don’t want to entertain her any further.
“Do you normally go with any other models on go sees?” I ask, trying to sway the conversation.
“Uh, sometimes. It depends on whether they want different looks. A lot of my friends are white, so they can’t apply if they’re looking for Black women,” she explains.
“That makes sense.” I nod. But I am barely paying attention anymore; it’s no use trying to feel something.
Ava goes on about how she’s been doing this for a while, so she can usually tell when she’s going to get the job. How she loves working with me and I’m not like the other photographers. I appreciate the praise and the reassurance that most of the models I’ve worked with feel safe with me too. I can’t tell if she’s blowing smoke up my ass or if this is her way of flirting, but either way, it definitely isn’t working for me.
I don’t feel anything beyond a slight attraction for this woman. It’s depressing to say the least. I am sick and tired of using my hands for a job I want someone else to do. She is beautiful, but her personality bores me, and I want someone with a little fire in their belly. Sure, Cari had a bit too much, but isn’t there some kind of middle ground? I don’t want someone who just agrees with me all the time. That’s boring and not the life I want.
Ava makes a face, and I catch her watching someone taking a video while eating. “Sorry, I just hate influencers,” she mumbles quietly.
