“She…well, she doesn’t remember.”
“What do you mean she doesn’t remember?” I drink my coffee, relaxing as it tastes the way I like it.
“She sort of blacked out last night. I’m not here to start anything, but she drank so much she was sick in my bathroom all night. River and I had to make sure she didn’t have to go to the hospital. She slept over, and this morning she didn’t remember anything,” Aspen explains.
I wince, feeling a twinge of guilt. Not that it was my fault she drank that much, but I know I played a part in it. I had hoped to go to the party, maybe see her, and hook up with her if the moment moved that way. I didn’t plan out every second of my life like she wanted me to.
“She was jealous that I was talking to your friend Sara. Sara showed up in a Superwoman costume, and Cari freaked out, thinking I planned a matching costume with someone else. Which is something I’d never do, and I sort of lost it. I told her she wasn’t my girlfriend and whatever was going on between us was over. She obviously didn’t take it too well.” I sigh.
“Okay, that makes a lot more sense.” Aspen nods. “Do you know what Gus has to do with any of this? Because somehow they were maybe involved too?”
I sigh, again. “At one point, Cari was hooking up with Gus and me at the same time. I didn’t really care; we weren’t serious,but then I think she was using them to make me jealous. I don’t know entirely what happened, but it seemed to have something to do with Gus being with that singer,” I explain.
“Ah,” Aspen says. “Damn, why are lesbians so freaking messy?” She chuckles.
“You don’t have to worry about me, I’m not doing anything with anyone remotely involved with our group.” I take the last bite of my sandwich and toss the wrapper away.
“Were you and Cari dating, or was it just a friends with benefits thing?” Aspen asks. It’s the first time she’s directly asked me about it, so I’m honest with her. I know she wouldn’t be asking if she didn’t have a good reason.
“Friends with benefits, sort of. She was getting a little too clingy, and I thought maybe she had feelings for me, so I was trying to keep her at arm’s length. We were mainly just hooking up.” I shrug.
“You know, it’s been a long time since you almost married Chelsea. You don’t ever think about being in a relationship again?” Aspen asks.
“Nope.” I clench my fist.
Aspen and I have been friends for close to a decade now, meeting when she moved to California, ironically, to get away from River. She was the maid of honor at my non-wedding and stood beside me when Chelsea chose to embarrass me in front of everyone we loved.
She couldn’t even make it down the aisle, sending one of her friends down instead to tell me she wasn’t coming. Forcing me to hold it together as I thanked everyone for coming. Only being able to unravel with Aspen while I cried on her couch for weeks. She carried me through that until she told me to get off my ass and get back to work. We don’t talk about Chelsea too often, but when we do, she knows how thankful I am for her help in getting me back to normal.
“I’m not here to pry, and I know this is probably your therapist’s job, but have you worked on that?”
“On what? The fact that she left me at the fucking altar? Oh yeah, love talking about that,” I say sarcastically.
Aspen frowns. “I just meant, you were so different when you were with her. You wanted to get married, be with someone forever. It seems crazy to me that you haven’t dated a single person since.”
“Well, it fucks you up when someone you thought you’d spend forever with does that to you. Especially in such a public way. And then not six months later, they marry someone else. It’s hard not to leave a mark.” I clench my jaw. I usually avoided talking about this, and Aspen knows that.
“But not everyone is Chelsea, and I don’t believe that wanting those things magically went away. I think they’re still there and that’s why it’s not working with Cari or anyone else,” Aspen says.
“Did you just come here to tell me how to feel?” I snap.
“No, I’m here because I’m your best friend. And frankly, I’m a little worried about you. I understand not wanting a relationship, but doing 180 from how you felt a few years ago is concerning. I just want to make sure you’re doing okay. It’s valid that Chelsea left a mark on you, but I don’t want one experience to dictate the rest of your life.” Aspen sighs.
“Not all of us can magically reconnect with our ex and fall in love and have everything work out for once.” I scoff.
“I’m going to let that one slide because you’re hungover and I’m bringing up tough shit. But I’m being serious. I don’t want you to miss out on something or someone good because you’re not healed from this,” Aspen says.
“Maybe I am healed, and this is just how I’ve chosen to be. Have you considered that? It’s normal for people to change. I’m not the same naive twenty-four year old who thought she’d get married. I don’t live in California anymore, I don’t drinktequila anymore, and maybe I just don’t believe in long-term monogamy.” I shrug.
“If I believed you for a second, I’d let this go, but I know you well enough to drop it for now. Just don’t be surprised if you hear from Cari; she feels bad about last night. I think River hid her phone, but when she gets it back, she might try apologizing,” Aspen warns.
“Got it. I can’t wait for that text,” I say sarcastically.
“You seem to be in a great mood. I’m glad I brought food. I’d hate to see what you would’ve been like without it,” Aspen jokes.
“Look, I appreciate you worrying and the food. But I just want to be alone today. My head is killing me, and we have the engagement shoot tomorrow,” I remind her.
“Okay, I can take the hint. But promise me you’ll call me if you change your mind about talking about this?” Aspen asks hopefully.
