Bells looks shocked, mouth agape as she takes in what I’ve said. “I’m in no way shitting on anyone’s legacy. She wasmyfamily. I’m trying to make sure we survive the next season!”
“Yeah? If you were her family, then where have you been for the last ten years?” I scoff.
Bells doesn’t hold back her anger anymore. Lowering her clipboard, she looks at me and says, “Fuck you,” before storming off.
I kick the empty bucket next to me, and it topples over with a loud clang. Fuck! Why did I let her get such a rise out of me? I could only imagine my conversation with Hattie later when I tell her about this. I’m going to be fired before she can sell the place, and I’ll be begging Hattie to let me sleep on her couch. She just got me so pissed when she walked in here acting like she knew how to run this place better. I knew it was a low blow the moment I said it. I shouldn’t have brought up her aunt, but now I’d have to apologize, which is the last thing I feel like doing.
I don’t know which way Bells went, so I decide to lay low and hang out in the stables. The horses are able to roam free,their breakfast is there, but they like to lie in the sun and run around after being in all night. They usually graze on their food throughout the day. But I decide to saddle up my horse for a ride. I watched Millie’s birth right after moving here. She’s a good rider now, and I love taking her out of the pen to the outskirts of the orchard. The other horses are too wild for me to try that, but Millie knows not to try anything. We always stop and get some fresh apples on the way back.
I slide my saddle onto Millie’s back, hitch on her harness, and climb up. The only thing I need right now is to relax and not think for a while. Things have been hard since Benny died. I often find myself looking for her or going to knock on her door to tell her something. We communicated all the time without thinking twice about it; it’s weird to have to rewire that part of my brain. Because immediately I want to go tell her what a bitch Bells is being and how she shouldn’t even be here. But that’s the exact reason she’s here.
Millie starts riding, and I lead her out the only entrance I can unlock without getting off her. I unhook the lock, and we head toward the open fields. She’s fast, but not too fast where I feel sick. If anything, I feel the relaxation I was craving. The wind blows in my hair, the sun is on my face, and I let her take control of direction. There’s no one out here, so it’s safe for us to run in circles or run whatever way she wants.
The apple trees look so beautiful this way. It’s late May now, and they’re in full bloom. All the flowers—mostly white and pink—cascade over each tree. It won’t be long before the orchard transforms into a fall scene. Every year, it happens quickly. One moment it’s spring, and the next I’m wheeling in pumpkins from the patch and smelling Lina baking pumpkin pies.
Each year we had a joint Thanksgiving, all of us and whatever staff didn’t have plans gathering at Benny’s house. She cooked for hours— a huge turkey, about half a dozen sides, and at leasta dozen desserts. The day started before sunrise, and no one went home until after dark. We all took turns with the cooking, cleaning, and sharing.
My stomach lurches thinking about what kind of Thanksgiving we might have this fall. I have a feeling I’ll be eating one of those microwavable turkey dinners in whatever shitty apartment I’m living in. Maybe Hattie and I will get together, but no one knows how to cook the way Benny did. Lina can bake, but when it comes to anything savory, she’s less than good.
Tears slip down my cheeks without warning. I’m not someone who likes to cry in public, but I’ve had my fair share of tears behind closed doors. The other day, I bawled when I came across a note Benny had left me. All it said was “Could you bring some milk over?” but seeing her handwriting again made something inside me break.
Grief is like a toddler—a weird thing you can’t control, apt to set you off at random times, but also reminding you that what you feel is real. For me, it reminds me how short life can be, and I’m not going to spend any more of it worrying about things I can’t change. Benny always looked forward, insisting on not looking back or trying to fix things with her awful family.
I guess it’s a good thing I have my savings. I always thought I’d use the money to buy the place from Benny, but now I’ll probably have to use it to buy a house or something nearby. Finding a job will be difficult, considering I never went to college and this is the only job I’ve ever had. Giving any references might be tough.
But I push those thoughts aside. I can’t think about that right now. Right now, I need to relax enough to get back to work. Maybe if I show Bells how helpful and needed I am around here, she’ll overlook my smart mouth and let me stay.
Here’s to hoping, anyway.
NINE
Bells
“How are you coming along?” Lina asks, pouring me a second cup of coffee. I was sitting at one of the back tables working on the budget for this month.
“Good, thanks.” I smile.
“If you need anything, just holler.” She smiles and touches my back softly. Her long blonde hair cascades down her back in a tight braid. I’m in awe of how long it is and how I never seem to get any of it in my food.
Looking over the budget for this place, I realize it’s going to be tough to keep the place running for the next three months—let alone the rest of the season. I don’t know what my aunt’s plan was or how it got this bad. Was she paying the bills even when she was sick? Did Tilly know how bad things have gotten? She seems to be in charge of most aspects, but maybe my aunt was like the rest of my family and hid her finances. We need to bring in some revenue and fast or there will be no way I can sell this place, let alone keep any of the staff on. I had hoped Tilly would be able to put aside her distaste for me, and we could work together, but it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen. Sheshot down all my ideas without even thinking about them. And then when I called her on it, she insulted me.
Of course it eats at me, knowing my aunt had no family around her when she died. But I also think that might be the way she wanted it. She was never close with my mom or any of their siblings, so it isn’t surprising that she didn’t reach out. And truthfully, I broke my arm when I was a kid, and my mom was the worst to be around me. She was there for me the first day and then complained any time I talked about being upset with my cast. I was seven and broke my arm on the last day of school; my entire summer was spent in a cast. I actually remember my aunt being someone who understood and figured out one-armed things we could do together that summer.
I’m drinking a hot coffee because when I came in here it was nice and cool. But suddenly I’m hit with a heat wave. I think maybe Lina is cooking something and opened the oven, or someone left the front door open. But as I look around, I notice I’m not the only one looking hot. Several customers get up and leave while the others are using their shirts as fans.
“Hey Lina, what’s going on? Why is it so hot in here?” I ask quietly, going up to the counter.
“The AC is out again. Truthfully, we need a new one, but I know it’s low on the priority list. Tilly’s coming over to fix it—she usually does something that keeps it fine for a few weeks,” Lina explains.
I nod. “Okay, maybe let’s get everyone else some iced water in the meantime?” I suggest. I don’t want anyone passing out on my watch.
“Of course.” Lina smiles and heads to the back.
I head back to my table just as Tilly walks in. She’s wearing jean overalls, one strap hanging down, and just a black sports bra underneath. Her arm muscles are insanely toned and glisten with sweat. Her blonde hair looks freshly cut, the sides shavedclean and the top messy. If I weren’t still so mad at her, I’d want to take her on the counter. But I am, so I avert my eyes and try to focus on the work I’m doing.
Of course, that’s pointless because Tilly opens her red toolbox, and I’m like a dog in heat watching her every move. She bends over to look at the air conditioner, and I get a nice view of her toned ass. It must be all the work she does because holy fuck, that ass is not just from squats.
She starts messing around under the air conditioner while Lina stands nearby talking to her. I can’t hear their conversation, but I see their lips moving. I refocus on my computer when the screen dims and realize I need to at least look like I’m not staring at my employee.
