It was gross, in hindsight. Probably on his part, and the part of the woman that he was with.
Because she was slumming it with him, but he was letting himself be that.
This wasn’t the same. This was about Marlowe. It wasn’t about proving anything. She was the one with less power in the situation, and he had too much. He wasn’t his father, though. He wasn’t getting off on the power.
He gripped the steering wheel of his truck and told himself that repeatedly as his tires turned over the gravel road, until it got to the paved one that led to the hotel parking lot.
Not all the lights were on, but there was one, right above the registration desk. And he could see Marlowe, standing there with her head bent low over something, her hair shimmering like copper in the dim light.
Well. He’d done it. He’d driven all this way. Was he going to stop in? Or not? That was the question.
Or he could just sit out here like a creeper, before he turned around and went back to bed. Alone.
He let out a long, hard breath.
He wanted her.
He also wanted her to understand why he’d been such a dick earlier. Because it wasn’t about her. He wasn’t trying to hurt her. He wasn’t trying to make a mess of things. It was just he wasn’t used to there being things. Wasn’t used to there being a connection beyond a transient physical attraction.
He wasn’t sure if he knew how to explain himself to anybody. Walker was probably the person who understood him the most, but Walker was good at reading everybody, and he didn’t have to talk to Walker for Walker to get a read on him. Then there was Nolan, who was his best friend. Like another brother, Nolan didn’t really need to plumb the depths of Cody. Or of anyone. So that meant he didn’t have to work to explain himself.
Zane would rather cut off his own arm than have somebody explain their emotional state to him. So that was simple.
Sometimes he wondered if Lila needed more than he had ever been able to give.
But, if so, she never said anything. And it was too late for him to do anything about it now.
Well, that was the list of people in his life. Most of them had known him forever.
Zane had known him the least amount of time, and Cody would say that their relationship wasn’t built on much other than quiet understanding. Otherwise…
Yeah. He just didn’t know how to do this.
He had a feeling that she had wanted to get more out of him from the beginning. But he didn’t know how to articulate it.
He knew what he could show her. The top of the ridge.
He let out a slow breath and was halfway out of his pickup truck before he could second-guess himself.
He walked up to the lobby doors and pulled hard, and they didn’t give.
He had a key. But instead, he stood there for a moment, waiting for her to look up. She did. Eyes catching his and holding.
And he figured it was up to her. If she wanted to let him in or not.
He watched as she slowly made her way around the counter, walking toward the door, and turning the lock at the bottom, then at the center.
He held his breath the whole time.
Like the kind of teenage boy he’d never actually been. One who felt some kind of giddy over whether or not a girl might like him.
He had known that none of those girls liked him.
He just wanted them anyway, because it was a Band-Aid for something empty inside him.
Was he doing that here?
He didn’t have time to ponder the question for too long. He pushed the doors open like a warrior storming a keep, and there was nothing between them.
