The first time we went to the island, Ander had warned me it was the only time I would be carried. After the Claiming, I would fly.
Asrael took my bag off my shoulder and dropped it onto a chair just as Anayla said, “Cara can ride with me.”
“My wife will ride with me.” Fear strode into the room.
I didn’t want my world to orient around him, but as soon as he stepped through the doorway, it did. I’d been bone-weary, but my spine straightened; some strange but happy anxiety quickened in my chest.
He paused just inside the doorway, as if taking the measure of the room, and the movement drew more than just my eye: his height, his presence, the sweep of Bismyth purple of his cloak. His gaze, molten gold, skipped over everyone else and caught on me. As if his attention belonged to me alone.
The leather armor that covered his broad chest and narrow waist outlined the strength I had felt more than once under my hands, and my palms could almost feel the phantom ripple of muscle.
I’d been telling myself for a long time that perhaps having Fear would cure me of wanting Fear. It was an impossibility. I might occasionally want to murder him, but I would also always want him.
Fear, for his part, cut through the crowd, and though Bismyth grinned and greeted him and joked, they all also got out of his way. A path had opened between him and me.
That sense of being trapped rose again in a chaotic swirl. There was longing for Fear mixed in there, too—no, perhaps not longing for Fear. I had never before felt this powerful urge to see him as a dragon, to watch him fly. I hesitated for a sliver of time so small I was sure no one noticed but him. His gaze shifted over me, searching for something.
Before he could find whatever it was, I took his arm, feeling Bismyth’s happiness when I did, the way the room seemed to brighten as I slid my hand over his arm. I found the warm skinabove his bracers, just at his elbow, and he dropped a kiss into my hair as he led me away to the windows.
All I had wanted was to be alone that night while I was packing my things in Amber. That was still true at some level, the way things remained true even when the reality around them had shifted. But Bismyth being what it was, alone was not on the table, and I found that I minded less than I expected.
There had been revelry throughout the barracks, but it was slowly falling quieter now.
Through the arched windows, dragons were soaring together in the moonlight. Fear stopped at the windows to watch, and his hand found my waist, anchoring me against his side.
I glanced at the hard lines of his face in profile and knew he had a purpose here, pushing Lightbringer to come out, but it was still painful to watch my friends fly while I was trapped in my mortal form.
Kiegan kept glancing out the arched windows out to the sea, but he had stayed at my other side, and finally I pushed him toward it.
“Go!” I told him. “Let me see you fly. You don’t have to feel bad just because I can’t do anything right: not being claimed, not even being incinerated properly.”
“You’re just behind,” Kiegan told me. “Dragon’s in there. It won’t want to be stuck there forever, mooning after Fear and tripping over your feet.”
“Thank you for the affirmations.” I pushed him toward the window a little harder.
“Going to give the window a try?” Dairen asked cheerfully.
Anayla grabbed the front of his tunic as if she didn’t trust him not to encourage me right out the window. She shared with me an eye-rolling expression that said we were stuck with Bismyth, but at least we were together.
Kiegan stepped into the window. The wind ruffled his hair and tugged at his cloak, and he hesitated—still a bit nervous—before he caught my eye. Then he saluted and threw himself out all in one gesture.
I ran for the window—since Anayla had Dair under control—just in time to watch his enormous dragon shoot up. I waved and hollered, genuinely excited.
Fear came to my side. His gaze felt weighted. “Do you want to go to the island? Or do you want to rest?”
“They’ll expect you,” I said, watching the dragons circle over the moonlit water, then fly toward the island. Something in my chest ached. “And they’ll expect me too.”
“They’ll understand, Cara.” His hand rose to stroke my back. “You don’t have to be perfect. You’re home.”
The words made something close in my throat.
“We both need rest. Tomorrow we’ll figure out why Lightbringer won’t talk to you.”
“Shadowbane has no idea?”
“Maybe it isn’t Lightbringer.”
“Then what happens? You planned on Lightbringer.”
