This sigh of his I felt through my body before he added, “I will tell you the story, but will you wait? I hold on to the possibility of making things better, still. Of being able to atone for what I’ve done.”
“Yes, of course.” I glanced at him over my shoulder. “I thought you said Ander betrayed you.”
“He did. I cannot bring myself to forgive him for that—we were too close, I loved him too much once as a brother—but I wish I could earn his forgiveness.”
Then, more dryly, but still true, “I prefer debts to be one-sided and in my favor. There’s too much that’s painful and complicated between us.”
“I think by its very nature, Fear, we do notearnforgiveness. It’s a gift.”
Something in his throat worked again.
“Ander has given you many gifts,” I added, “for a man whodespises you.”
I wasn’t sure I quite believed Anderdiddespise him.
“Those favors were for your sake.” He was entirely himself again, glib and charming. “Of course he would want the most incredible of mortals for himself. The fact that I adore you would only increase the delight of stealing you for himself.”
I rolled my eyes. “I am not incredible, not even by mortal standards, and he is not trying to steal me.”
“Liar.”
His hand, still holding the reins, drifted slightly lower down my thigh—close enough that I could feel the pad of his thumb just at the inside seam of my breeches, and I was as aware of that fraction of an inch as I had ever been of anything in my life. I raised my chin, pretending that I did not notice, that there was no part of me that wanted to seek the friction of his hand.
I could not quite pretend, and he knew it, and trying to maintain my dignity with my ass in his lap was an exercise in futility. “Bastard.”
And still, I didn’t want to move.
He chuckled against my ear, entirely unoffended, entirely pleased with himself, as usual.
We left the darkness of the past behind and focused on the path ahead. The road ahead led into wilder country, and somewhere on it, Obsidian’s third and his “bandits” were riding toward the same place we were.
We stopped for the midday meal on the banks of a stream. Kiegan went down to the bridge to check underneath it for low Fae, and I wasn’t entirely sure if he was teasing me or not. But he was thorough, and something unsettling crept over my skin.
“I’ll take care of the horses. You rest,” Fear told me, taking a bag of food from the roll behind the saddle, then tossing it to me. “You’re not used to sitting on a horse all day.”
I wasn’t, but it was not the horse that was exhausting.
I looked to Kiegan, who gestured to me that all was safe, then made my way down the grassy bank to a large, flat rock at the edge of the burbling stream. The hazy drone of insects rose from the grass; little purple and white flowers were as profuse as thegrass and sweetly scented the air. I noticed he had chosen this place thoughtfully; we had clear sight either way down the road and into the forest. We would see anyone—or anything—coming in time to respond.
I pulled off my outer tunic and spread it over the rock as a seat, letting the sun warm my shoulders, and then pulled off my boots to dangle my feet in the too-cool water.
Kiegan settled beside me. I unwrapped the bag and set the spread of bread, sausage, cheese, and fruit between us.
“How are you finding the riding?”
I flushed slightly. “It’s…hard.”
He bit into a sausage, thankfully oblivious to my mortal embassments, and said through his mouthful, “I was a disaster my first time. The horse looked embarrassed on my behalf.”
I laughed despite myself. “When was your first time?”
“Preparing for the Trials. Orcs are not horse people.” He stretched his legs out in front of him. “We would just as soon eat them as ride them.”
I looked over my shoulder at the horses in sympathy. Fear stood at the edge of the bank with them, letting them drink, and, apparently, deep in conversation with one. The sight made me smile.
“Fear said we’re skirting orc territory. That we might have to ride through it to gain time.”
He had briefed us both on the ride. The route; we were losing time to avoid orcs. King Nez and his underground castle. The masks for disguise. There was no way to escape suspicion once the knife disappeared, but we had to prevent proof.
