“Everyone is a pawn to you.” He meant it.
The arena was attentive. Technically, a good thing, even if this conversation felt as if it were tilting out of control.
“Would you stop being dramatic?” I demanded.
“You move your pawns and they thank you for it.” His voice was hard-edged. He had something to say, and if he could say it and make me owe him a favor for it, all the better.
I gritted my teeth and endured, crossing my arms. I would do that much for Cara; there was little need for me to act in this script. “Gods, Ander, just let me talk to her. It’s not a game. I?—”
I broke off, because I’d been about to say I loved her, and I wouldn’t say that for the first time when it could be seen as part of a script. “I just need to talk to Cara.”
“Tell me this time is different. Tell me that Cara understands every maneuver, that she is queen on the board, not pawn.” He held my gaze. “Tell me you’re not doing exactly what you did before, with Tesa.”
Shock lanced through me. Her name landed the way a blade slipped through a gap in armor.
“Steady.”Shadowbane’s voice was soft.
I had been thinking of Tesa too often since I saw her. I had a debt I owed Ander.
He had many debts he owed me too. He had betrayed me and I would not forgive. But Tesa was beyond our enmity.
The nameTesamoved through the crowd. I had missed hearing her name all these years, missed remembering her whenthe only other person alive who had loved her despised me. But I hated hearing her name this way, as a murmured bit of gossip.
Ander’s face was stricken. He had cut himself more deeply than he had cut me. It was a sacrifice made with good reason; when I disappeared, there would be no questioning why I had run. The answer was in the regret on my face and the furious grief on his. I had not heard Tesa’s name from him since he was scrabbling through the ashes.
He grabbed my tunic and yanked me closer. “Nothing to say for once in your life, Fieran? No story you’ve told yourself to share with the rest of us? To justify what you did to me?”
Real emotion bled through his voice.
Cara was at my side, small and fierce. “Let him go, Ander.”
His gaze went to her, his jaw tight. They shared a communicative look so quick that the crowd wouldn’t read it; I couldn’t either.
Ander released my tunic as he pushed me away, dismissive. There was disgust in the way he looked at me, though he spoke to Cara. “You’ve made your choice clear.”
His voice lifted for the crowd. “You’re no longer under Amber’s protection.”
The queen would be pleased knowing the pain and chaos she could inflict when she played Tesa like a card thrown between us.
Cara’s cheeks had gone pink, but she nodded, her mouth set.
Thanks to Ander, I really did feel as if I had wounds to lick. I doubted I had long before Cara asked me to explain Tesa.
Together, she and I walked away from the Trials.
Twelve
Cara
Ihad many questions for Fear, but the largest could not be asked inside the queen’s city.
We went directly from the Trials to Fear’s house, where I had the distressing opportunity to see Sera in an enchanted mask to mimic my face. Her height was wrong, so Fear warned her to pass quickly by the windows. Her mouth did a smirky sort of thing that I hoped I did not.
Fear had a twin as well, a Bismyth member named Kav, who cut almost as fine a figure. From there, we traveled in our own enchanted disguises and met Kiegan at a stable at the edge of the city.
The horse Fear had acquired for me was dark brown and enormous and regarded me with the patience of an animal that had been asked to tolerate a great many things, of which I might be the worst.
“You’ve genuinely never ridden?” Fear sounded perplexed. “You just walked everywhere on those mortal legs?”
