Cara, I have to go. You have always put your family first, and I am relieved that it seems you are finally learning to put yourself first, to want things and to chase after them. I want the same. I want to be well, and, truth be told, I want something bigger than Stonehaven myself. I cannot chase my desires and hang onto your hands and Mam’s, any more than you could.
But I’m still your brother. We will find our own ways, and eventually, we’ll find our way back together.
Love,
Tay
“Tay’s gone,” I repeated, trying to make sense of the words. “He went to the queen.”
Anger swept over me before anything else. Everything I had done to try to protect him, and that stupid ass ran back to the queen.
“He was with the mortal group that left at dawn,” Corbyn confirmed. “I don’t know for certain if he went to the queen or not.”
“My mother sent you.”
She must have come to trust Corbyn a little again. She had done the terrible math on Tay and on me and had decided it was wisest to protect her smallest, most fragile child. The one who could definitely be saved.
Tay was lost to the queen, and I was lost to the rebellion. Lidi was the one she could protect.
My mother’s expression in the tent when we cut the enchantment out of Tay came back to me. Resolute, practical, and filled with pain for her decisions that never faded.
“Cara.” Fear’s voice was careful. “We still need to leave. The queen’s people are looking for you. The camp is the only place that I can fully guard your safety.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I understand why you’re asking.”
Fear’s face said he had not been asking.
But I wasn’t refusing to be safe. I was refusing to be pushed around the board. “The queen has been using my family against me since you first stole me out of Stonehaven. Do you think she’s not using them now?”
Fear knew it was a good point, but he countered anyway. “Tay may have acted of his own volition. Not as part of her plan.”
“It will become part of her plan, then, the moment he appears at her doorstep. Unless we capture him first. If I run back to Corbyn’s camp, the rebellion starts to collapse.”
Fear studied my face. “You wanted to stay even before we found out about your brother.”
“I don’t want to lose the rebellion. Your alliances with the other clans are too fragile for you to leave.”
“I could leave you in the rebel camp under Corbyn’s protection and continue leading the clans.”
“You could, but we both know you want to be at my side.” The words came out more certain, less teasing, than I had intended. I didn’t take them back anyway.
I could not imagine Fear leading this rebellion without me, and suddenly I could not imagine myself without him. For practicality. The two of us were bound together in every way.
“Bismyth is spread thin to help Obsidian and still serve their own mission. They need to see you here, in command. What happens to their faith if you hide with me?”
Asrael was looking between us. He did not say anything about the clan’s leadership, though I was sure he had opinions. His face was carefully neutral, as if to saythis is between you two.
Fear’s hand on my back did not move. His mind moved so quickly; he must work through all the same fears and concerns I had, with his much greater knowledge of the clans and their dynamics and the threats.
“All right. We’ll stay.”
I had braced for an argument. The lack of one almost did me in. I felt stunned. “All right.”
“What do you need from me?” Corbyn asked.
“Protect my mother and my sister, please. They need you. And find Tay.”
Corbyn nodded, unsmiling, but there was a flicker of unexpected joy in his gaze. Maybe his daughter, asking him for help, meant something to him.
