She looked out into the distance and I took a moment to stare at her.She was so damn pretty with her long, silky hair pulled back in a ponytail, that white tank top hugging her perfect tits, showing off her smooth, tanned arms.
“I love it out here,” she said softly.“Sitting on the front porch, under the stars.I’ve watched my mom and dad sit outside like this.They always look so happy.”
Odd that she said that because I detected some sadness in her tone.
“I think it’s the only time they really get along.They’re always arguin’ and yellin’.Then my dad’ll leave and stay gone for a coupla days…”
Well, that explained the despondency.
“Yeah,” I said.“My mom used to sit out here with me.”I smiled at the memory.“We didn’t have these chairs at the time.I made these for my dad.Thought maybe it’d get him outside some.”
“He still not leavin’ the house?”
“Nope.Not since…” Not since the night my mother died a couple of months back.The pain of the loss still radiated inside me, burning hot and painful.My chest squeezed.God, I missed my mom.
I felt more than saw Reagan’s eyes on me, but I fought the urge to look at her.I knew if I did, I'd want something she couldn’t give me.She was too sweet for what I wanted from her.More importantly, she was too young.
The technical term … jail bait.
Avoiding Reagan hadn’t been easy, and once I found out she had a steady boyfriend, I'd nearly lost my mind.Most people thought that losing my mother was the reason I'd gone off the rails and that was true, but only partly.Reagan had played a big part in it as well.For the longest time, she’d offered me hope, made me believe my world wasn’t crashing down all around me.
Turning down the dirt drive, I noticed Reagan’s truck was parked outside.I pulled my truck behind hers and then cut the engine.Before I got the first chair out of the truck, I heard the front screen door squeak open.Taking a deep breath, I focused on my task, doing my best not to look at her.
She didn’t say a word until I was putting the second chair in place on the porch.
“Lynx?”
I turned away from her, eager to get back in my truck and go home.I'd left Copenhagen at the house that morning and I was eager to see my dog.For whatever reason, Copenhagen calmed me, helped me to reason through my thoughts.I needed that right now.
“Thank you for the chairs.”
I offered a curt nod, still not looking at her.“You’re welcome.”
“And … I’m sorry,” Reagan said softly.
“Okay.”I didn’t know what else to say.I didn’t blame her for anything that had happened, but I also didn’t want to get into it right now.My control was tenuous at best, and the more I was around her, the more fragile it became.
“Will you look at me, please?”
Swallowing hard, I turned to face her, shoving my hands in my pockets.
“What happened back at the warehouse…” Reagan took a deep breath.“I shouldn’t’ve kissed you, and I’m sorry.”
I nodded.The lump that those words caused swelled in my throat and threatened to strangle me.The thought of losing her before I even had her was too much for me to bear.
“Okay, that’s a lie,” she added, her eyes still locked with mine.“I’m not sorry.For kissin’ you.I’m… I’ve been wantin’ to do that for a long time.I’m just sorry I can’t give you what you want.You have to realize what I’ve been through.Dealin’ with Billy…”
Oh, I got it, all right.But I wasn’t Billy.Not even remotely close.
Another nod was all I could offer.Although she thought the explanation was helping, it wasn’t.Not one fucking bit.
“Please say somethin’,” she urged.
I shook my head.“Nothin’ to say.”
And that was the truth.
I feared that if I opened my mouth the truth would come out, and I wasn’t sure I could handle much more of her rejection.
