And she had. Acadia had believed that Kaj had simply written her off when he’d walked out the door. It still pained her to think about. He had broken her heart when he left, and try as she might, she never could understand his reasons. But she’d never truly understood what his life entailed, either. They’d been confined to that bedroom most of the time. The things they’d shared were about their pasts, not the present or the future. So she had never fully understood who he was.
“But I’m back now,” he said, once more pulling her against him. “And I’m not going anywhere, Acadia. As long as you’ll have me, this is where I intend to be.”
As much as she wanted to tell him she wanted them to be together, there was still that underlying fear of what would happen to her if she did. There was no way to ignore the reasons she was here. She had a duty, and there was always the risk that the Almighty would eliminate her if she defied them. Though her heart belonged to Kaj, her body wasn’t her own to give freely, nor was her heart.
“I’m going to order food to be brought up,” he said softly. “Then we’ll eat, take a bath if you’d like.”
“Will you stay with me today?” she asked, sliding her hand over his chest. “I don’t want to sleep alone.”
“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,balisra.”
She knew deep down that he meant that, and it soothed her in many ways.
If only she could soothe him by settling his mind, assuring him that she would forever belong with him.
It was the only thing she wanted, and it was the one thing she knew she couldn’t give.
Chapter Nineteen
Monday, February 5, 2018
Acadia had spent the past three dayswatching over Kaj as he slept, praying he would heal now that Obsidian had truly removed all the lead that had been lodged in him. After the incident when Kaj had passed out from the pain, she had sought Obsidian, insisting he do something. It was then the male offered another exam, one that alerted him to the fact he had indeed missed one of the bullets.
With Obsidian’s assurance he would heal fully, she had remained in the bedroom with Kaj, refusing to leave his side. She couldn’t imagine what she looked like now, after three days of ignoring herself completely. The only time she slipped away was to use the bathroom and freshen herself up a bit, but she had avoided showering because she didn’t want to leave Kaj for that long.
A soft grunt sounded from the male as he shifted, rolling onto his back.
Acadia leaned onto the mattress, watching him closely, praying he would finally open his eyes once more.
“Balisra…”
“I’m here,” she whispered. “I’m here, Kaj.”
A smile tilted his lips seconds before his eyes opened, his head turning toward her. “You’re here.”
Was it wrong of her that she enjoyed the relief she heard in his tone?
“I never left,” she told him.
As though he just realized where he was and perhaps remembered what had happened, his eyes scanned the space around him.
“What happened?”
Acadia went on to explain about their conversation on the sofa, him passing out, Obsidian coming in, finding and removing another bullet.
“That explains it, huh?”
She frowned. “What?”
“Why I feel like a new male.”
Relaxing for the first time in days, she exhaled heavily, then realized a tear had fallen, the wetness rolling down her cheek.
Kaj turned back to her, his hand lifting, cradling her cheek as he swiped the tear with his thumb. “Do not cry,balisra.”
She forced a smile. “I’m sorry.”
“Do not apologize.”
