Chapter Twelve
Sunday, October 2, 2022
Travis stood in the hotel shower, handsplanted on the wall, the hot water beating down on the back of his neck.He kept his eyes closed, silently hoping for a moment’s peace from the chaos that was running wild through his brain.
He’d slept for shit last night, tossing and turning, desperate for information while at the same time terrified of what it might entail.
Kylie alive?He knew it wasn’t even possible.He’dseenher.Lifeless.Cold.
Dead.
His chest tightened the same as it had when Brantley hit him with that revelation yesterday morning.Since then, he’d been stuck in this mental vortex of memories.Everything was being stirred up by this warped sense of hope that he couldn’t shake.
A single knock sounded, followed by, “You okay in here?”
Gage.
He didn’t answer.He couldn’t.
“Travis?”
Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to shove off the memories that insisted on pummeling him.He refused to break down, refused to succumb to the pain that he’d finally managed to wrangle under control.For the most part.
There was only one way to fight his demons right now, so he stood tall.
“Get in here,” he commanded Gage, his voice hoarse and rough.“Now.”
His husband didn’t respond, but he knew he was listening.
Travis waited patiently, focusing on his breathing, searching for that store of inner calm that he’d been depleting at a rapid rate in recent days.Just when he’d managed to settle into his new normal, toacceptthis fucked-up existenceasnormal, someone went and threw a wrench into the works.
He drew air in through his nose and blew it out slowly, turning when he heard Gage step into the large shower stall.Travis paused to look at the man.Really look at him.
At forty-two, Jason Gage Matthews was in his prime.He’d spent the past year and a half making drastic changes to his lifestyle, likely his only coping mechanism in the sea of chaos they now floated in.He was bigger, stronger, and yeah, more handsome than he’d ever been.And Travis only had to look at him to get hard, to ache, to need.
Travis grabbed Gage’s forearm, slowly wrapping his fingers around it before pulling him close.Gage moved hesitantly, eyes skimming his face.It was clear he was attempting to gauge Travis’s mood, to figure out what was about to happen.
He kept pulling until they were chest to chest, then he placed Gage’s palm on his back, wanting to feel the man’s touch.When Gage got with the program, his fingertips digging into Travis’s muscles, kneading gently, he gripped Gage’s jaw and slowly lowered his head.
“I’m holdin’ it together with a rusted chain link,” he admitted, his voice low.
“I know.”
“I don’t know how much longer I can do it, Gage.”
“However long it takes.”
Travis wished he had Gage’s strength, his mental fortitude.“And if I can’t?”
Gage pulled him closer, his other arm banding around him.“Then you let me catch you when you fall.”
Those words caused his chest to tighten, his heart to swell.He loved this man with all that he was.Deep down, he knew Gage deserved better, and that was the reason Travis was fighting to be a better man.To be what his husband and kids needed.It wasn’t easy when a piece of him was missing.A large piece of his heart had been chiseled off when Kylie died, and time did not seem to be healing those jagged edges.
Travis gripped Gage’s face in both hands.Pressing his thumb to Gage’s chin, he forced the man’s mouth open.His eyes remained open until their lips met.Only then did he close them, giving himself over to the kiss as he slid his tongue inside Gage’s mouth.He kissed him.Insistent, demanding.Showing Gage what he wanted, what he needed.As had been the case for years now, Gage already knew.He was right there with him, their tongues mating, hands roaming as the hot water poured down on them both.
As the kiss intensified, so did Travis’s need.His hands became more insistent, clutching, gripping, controlling.It was his natural instinct to dominate, and he loved that Gage wasn’t so quick to surrender.The fight in the man he loved stirred him, made him burn.
Before he even realized what he was doing, Travis had his hand around Gage’s throat.He was squeezing.Not hard enough to hurt, but enough to control.Gage’s eyes glazed, his lips parting as he stared back at him.
