Why?
Whythe hell did he care who Beau had been with in the past? It wasn’t like theyhad anything serious going here.
“Itdidn’t happen the way you think it did,” Beau said softly, his voice soundingmuch too close.
BeforeEthan could escape, he found himself pressed between the counter’s edge andBeau’s hulking body. His breath hitched in his chest, and he gripped the edgeof the counter until his knuckles turned white.
“Itdoesn’t matter how it happened,” Ethan stated firmly, his voice hard and coldbut lacking the conviction he knew it should have.
“Itdoesmatter.” Beau set his plate on the counter and then took Ethan bythe shoulders, turning him to face him.
Ethanforced his eyes closed, unable to look at Beau. Here he was, contemplatingsleeping with this guy. The same guy who’d been with his verynon-gaybrother. He couldn’t even process how it might’ve happened and the more hethought about it, the worse he felt.
“Lookat me, E.”
Ethanshook his head, unable to force his eyes open.
WhenBeau’s hands came up to cup his neck, his thumbs brushing along his jaw, he wastempted to cave. To give in to this man’s touch. God, how long had he wantedBeau? And now he had that opportunity, but he couldn’t even bring himself tolook at him.
“Openyour eyes,” Beau whispered, his voice sounding tortured.
Ethanopened his eyes, peering directly into Beau’s beautiful brown gaze.
“Iswear to you,” Beau said, his voice soft and deep, “it isn’t what you think.”Beau paused, his thumbs continuing to brush along the underside of Ethan’s jaw.“You’re right. I’ve spent the majority of my life not knowing who I was. Ialways managed to pretend I was interested in women. And you might find thishard to believe, but I’ve never had sex with a woman one-on-one. It’s alwaysbeen…”
Ethansearched Beau’s face, listening as his sentence trailed off. It didn’t takelong before he could fill in the blank. “Only when Zane was there.”
Beaunodded, but he didn’t move away. Ethan could see the pain etched across hisbrow, in the gentle creases at the corners of his eyes. Studying him, Ethan lethimself get lost in the warmth of Beau’s hands on his face.
“Youlove him?” Ethan asked, unsure he wanted to know the answer to that question.
“Yes,”Beau answered, quickly adding, “But not in the way you’re thinking.”
Forsome strange reason, Ethan believed him. At least Beau hadn’t tried to deny hehad feelings for Zane. He wouldn’t have believed him if he did because Zane andBeau had been friends for most of their lives.
“Iwas confused, and I was definitely fooling myself. Being with Zane helped me torealize a vital piece of information about myself.”
Ethankept his mouth closed, wanting Beau to open up to him, but not necessarilywanting to hear the details.
“Zanefulfilled a physical need. One that seemed important at the time. But he didn’tsatisfy the emotional one.”
“Andyou think I will?” Ethan asked defensively.
Hedidn’t want Beau to make this more than it was. It was one thing to give in tothe attraction, to finally succumb to the chronic ache that drove him batshitcrazy whenever he thought about Beau. But it was entirely different for Beau towant more from him.
Ethanwasn’t capable of giving more.
“Ididn’t say that,” Beau answered smoothly, the briefest of smirks on his lips.“But I will say that this is different. What I feel for you is… different.”
“Ifyou’re looking for something more, I –”
“Don’tsay it,” Beau stated steadily, his thumb resting against Ethan’s lips,effectively shutting him up. “Do me a favor, will you?”
Ethanfound himself nodding.
“Don’toverthink this just yet. We’ve come this far. Let’s just see where it goes.”
Ethanwasn’t sure why, but he was giving in to Beau’s request. He was right. Therewas no reason to overthink this. No need to make it more complicated than itwas. After all, Ethan had spent years immersing himself in meaningless, casualsex. Ever since Gavin. So, there was certainly no reason why he couldn’t do thesame with Beau.
