No,it didn’t seem like anything scared Beau. Nothing at all.
“HeyTrav,” Ethan found himself saying, “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything,”Travis answered, his stare suddenly filled with warmth and concern.
Awww,hell.Why couldn’t Travis be the uptight dickhead he used to be? Then maybe Ethanwouldn’t be so compelled to talk to him.
Ethanswallowed hard, glanced down at his hands and then back over at Travis.
“Wasit hard for you to accept what you felt for Gage?”
ToEthan’s surprise, Travis didn’t laugh, didn’t poke fun at him, and he didn’tact as though the question was so far out of left field that he’d beenblindsided with it.
“Isanything easy?”
Great.This was how they were going to play it.
Ethanconsidered that for a moment and responded with a resounding, “No.”
“Iwon’t say I had a hard time, E. I think Gage did, so maybe you should ask himthat question.”
Right.Like that was going to happen. Of all the things Ethan might ask hisbrother-in-law, it certainly wouldn’t be about relationships.
“Talkto me, E,” Travis encouraged and Ethan realized he’d been sitting there quietlyfor long minutes.
“There’snothing to say,” he answered defensively.
“No?You ask me whether it was difficult for me to accept my feelings for Gage, butyou want to tell me there’s nothing to say. Right.”
“What?”Ethan asked, remembering to keep his voice low because Mason was asleep just afew feet away.
“We’veall got secrets, E. I’m the absolute last person who would judge you. Considerthat for a minute.”
Ethandid. He knew Travis would understand how he felt about Beau. He just wasn’tsure he knew how to talk about it.
Afteryears of keeping his personal business to himself, talking to anyone was almostpainful. How he had managed to share with Beau he had no idea, except it justfelt right to talk to him. Not like he was baring his soul and someone wasready to tell him where he went wrong. Or what he should do differently. WithBeau, Ethan knew he would listen without judging.
Heknew that was the case with Travis too, but Ethan was hesitant. If he opened upto one member of his family, would he have to tell them all? He didn’t like theidea of them having to defend him to anyone, much less the people they calledfriends who would no doubt look down on Ethan.
“Ok,I’m gonna askyoua question,” Travis said, that ever familiarfrustration seeping back into his voice.
Ethanwaited, knowing his brother wouldn’t shut up, even if he told him to.
“Doyou think we don’t know?”
“Knowwhat?” Ethan asked, choosing to play dumb.
“Thatyou’re gay, E. Do you think it’s not as obvious as the day is long? You’retwenty-eight fucking years old, and you’ve never had a girlfriend. You’ve neverlet us meet anyone except that jackass Blake, and even then you tried toconvince us he was just a friend.”
Ethanexpected to be filled with rage, but he wasn’t. He wasn’t mad at Travis forcalling him to the carpet. He just felt defeated.
“Doyou love him, E?”
Ethandidn’t play dumb this time. Travis knew. They all knew. He’d never thought theydidn’t know that he wasn’t the same as they were, but he respected the factthat they didn’t ask him about it. He didn’t want to share, didn’t want to putthat burden on them.
“Yeah,I love him,” he answered honestly. Looking up and meeting Travis’ steely gazewas harder than he expected, but he did it and then he repeated with moreaffirmation in his voice. “Yes. I love him.”
“That’sa first step,” Travis said, leaning forward and resting his elbows on hisknees. “Don’t think you can protect those you love by pretending to besomething you’re not. It always comes back to bite you in the ass.
