Assimple and complicated as that.
Chapter Thirty Four
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Ethanstared back at Beau, doing his best to rationalize what he was telling him. DidBeau really believe that a freak accident that ended his football dreams hadbeen his fault? Or worse, his father’s apparent reaction was a burden he shouldcarry on his shoulders?
Ethandidn’t think so.
“Huh,”Ethan huffed.
“Huh,what? What does that mean?” Beau asked, taking a step back from Ethan, theexpression on his face one of both concern and confusion.
Goingall in, Ethan said, “Is that what you think when I tell youmystory?That I brought it all on myself? I mean, I’m the one who went to the lake.”Granted, if Ethan thought about it too long, he wouldn’t have the guts tochallenge Beau’s way of thinking, but honestly, Beau’s statement, and his owncomparison to it, had opened his eyes a little more than they were already.
“It’snot the same thing, and you know it,” Beau said incredulously. “Not by a longshot.”
“Soundslike it is to me,” Ethan countered, his voice growing more determined. “I mean,how is it different? I made the decision to drive to the lake. You made thedecision to hang with your friends…”
Ethannoticed the moment Beau understood what he was getting at. If he was supposedto address his internal conflict, it was only fair that Beau address his own.Not that Beau had pushed him, but ever since Ethan’s conversation with Sawyer,he’d been thinking.
Reallythinking.
Whenhe first got home, he had come out onto the back porch as he attempted topinpoint when he first decided to take everything and compartmentalize it,including his own feelings. He had been so closed off for so long, he wasn’teven sure when or how it had happened.
Abitter cold gust of wind whipped around them, but Ethan tried not to flinch.Now that his frustration had subsided, and the shaking had stopped, he wasgetting cold. And looking at the man standing just a few feet away, he couldthink of a million ways to warm up and every one of them involved Beau.
“Howabout we continue this conversation somewhere a little warmer?”
Beaunodded, still staring at him as though Ethan had lost his mind.
Maybehe had.
Onceinside, Ethan made his way to the living room. As much as he wanted to detourto the bedroom, bypass all of the talking and emotional bullshit, he knew thishad to be done. They had to hash some things out.
TonightEthan had been slayed by Sawyer’s revelation. Knowing what Jimmy Reardon wascapable of, yet hiding out all of these years, not owning up to who he was,Ethan couldn’t help but wonder if Jimmy had inflicted the same damage onsomeone else.
Orhell, it didn’t have to be Jimmy. He thought about Ricky Dillinger. Or whatabout Ricky’s brother, Ralph? Was he that way? Did they bully others besideshim? Probably.
Ethanhated the idea of that.
Droppingonto the couch, Ethan leaned back into the soft, cushions and propped one legup, opening his legs wide.
“Comehere.” Gesturing for Beau to sit in front of him, Ethan held out his arms.
Beauhesitated only briefly, but then to Ethan’s relief, he moved toward him. Oncehe was seated, Ethan shifted until he was comfortable and pulled Beau backagainst him, lying nearly flat on the couch. Resting his hands on Beau’s chest,his forearms over Beau’s shoulders, Ethan leaned forward and kissed the top ofBeau’s head.
“Iremember your dad always being at the football games,” Ethan said a momentlater, wanting to get back to his original subject.
“Hewas,” Beau said, his body tensing slightly.
“Relax,”Ethan insisted, gently massaging his fingertips into the hard planes of Beau’schest then slowly moving up to try and ease the tension in his shoulders.
Beausucked in a breath and released it with a huff, making Ethan laugh.
“Doyou think he’ll accept the fact that you’re gay?” That had to be the hardestquestion of all time.
“No,”Beau said quickly.
