Sawyerstood stone still near the door, staring at Ethan with what looked like remorsein his eyes.
“Ihad no choice,” he said after a few tense moments. “You could’ve died.”
“Youpromised. No one was supposed to know.”
“Ethan,”Sawyer started then stopped, thrusting his hands through his perfectly styledhair before turning and stalking off.
“What?”
Sawyermade it all the way to the kitchen before he stopped and turned back to facehim. Ethan waited impatiently for his brother to continue.
“Doyou even remember how bad you were hurt? Greyson wanted you to go to thehospital. Since you refused, I had to settle for trying to stop your fuckinghead from bleeding. You had a concussion, remember? I wasn’t allowed to let yougo to sleep for hours. On top of that, your fucking nose was broken, and yourface was so swollen you couldn’t open your eyes. That doesn’t include thedamage done to your ribs. I never would’ve been able to forgive myself ifsomething happened to you.”
Ethanlistened, his brother’s recollection driving all of the memories forward. Thepain had been excruciating. Even to this day, there were remnants of the agonyin his bones. He wasn’t sure he would ever fully heal from it.
“Soyou told Mom and Dad?”
“Thatnight, I called Dad. Not only was I enraged, I was fuckingscared.”
Tohear Sawyer say that was the equivalent of stomping all over Ethan’s heart.Never in his life had he heard Sawyer say that he was scared of anything. Yethe had put Sawyer in a position that no one should’ve had to be in. And thoughit pissed him off that he felt betrayed, Ethan suddenly felt ashamed ofhimself.
Turningand walking away, it was Ethan’s turn to shove his hands through his hair.
Whydid everything seem to be changing?Fuck.
Ethanleaned over, gripping his hair tightly in his fists as he fought the emotionaloverload that swamped him. He was in pain. Physical. Emotional. No matter howhe looked at it, Ethan’s world was changing, what he thought he never wantedbefore, he now knew he did. His fears were still choking him, pulling him upshort, but he felt himself moving closer and closer to the light. And it scaredthe fuck out of him. He wouldn’t survive the pain again.
Sawyer’shand came down on his back in a reassuring manner, but his brother didn’t say aword. He just stood there while Ethan did his damnedest not to fall apart. Whenhe managed to catch his breath, he stood tall and turned to face Sawyer.
Suckingin a breath, he fully intended to thank his brother for saving his life, butthat’s not what came out of his mouth.
“Ihate him!” Ethan roared, nearly at the top of his lungs. “I fucking hate him.He stole so much from me. He ruined my life. He ruined Gavin’s life.”
Andjust like that, Sawyer grabbed Ethan and pulled him close, his arms closingaround him in a tight hold that had Ethan’s world nearly crashing in on him. Hedidn’t want to cry. He hadn’t cried since the day he found Gavin. He swore hewould never get to that point again. He pushed everything away, fought the urgeto care for anyone and yet, look at him. He was a fucking mess.
Pullingaway from Sawyer, he ran a hand over his face roughly. “I’m sorry I put you inthat position.”
“Youdidn’t put me in any position,” Sawyer argued, a hint of disappointment in hisvoice. “E, I’m fucking thankful every single day that you called me. I don’tknow why you chose me, but I thank God that I was able to get to you. That’sall that matters.”
“Ishould’ve been stronger, should’ve been able to fight Jimmy off. Should’ve beenable to save Gavin.” The last statement came out without his permission andEthan abruptly turned, heading for the door.
Hehad to get out of there. Needed air. Needed…fucking hell. He neededBeau. He just wanted to fall into Beau’s arms and be held for the rest of hisnatural life. It was the only time he felt safe, protected.
“Ethan,”Sawyer said gruffly, making him stop midstride.
Hedidn’t turn to face his brother. He couldn’t.
“Noone could’ve saved Gavin. What he went through was probably hell on earth. Ifhis brother was even half as brutal with him as he had been with you, Gavin hadbeen looking for an escape. Unfortunately, the path he chose was beyond yourcontrol.”
Turningabruptly, he threw his arms up in the air in a signal of defeat. “How? Howcould he do that? He took his own life! And he took mine right along with him.”
Ethancouldn’t believe the words were coming out of his mouth. He’d kept it insidefor all these years, and suddenly he was smothering his brother with all kindsof questions that he knew he couldn’t possibly answer.
“Idon’t know, E. I wish I could make it all better for you, but that isn’t anoption. I know you don’t want to hear this, but you need to talk to someone.You need to reach out to someone who can help you get the answers that youneed. But I’m not talking about me, or Mom and Dad, or even Beau. Aprofessional, E.”
WasSawyer actually saying he needed professional help? Ethan wanted to beexasperated, but his heart actually began to settle. Was there seriouslysomeone who understood what he was going through?
Sawyermoved closer. “Look at me, E.”
