“But I’m here to show you I’m serious.”
Again, he glanced at the hallway. “Did Atticus make you come here?”
Carson sighed.
“He did. Goddammit.”
“He wants us to talk, Slade. And he’s right. Until we do…”
“Fuck talkin’,” Slade hissed. “I’ve got nothin’ to say to you or Atticus. Fuck both of you for—”
Slade’s sentence was cut off when Carson took his hand and tugged, pulling him away from the front door and into the living room. Carson paused long enough to pull off his boots. Then, still holding Slade’s wrist firmly, Carson sat down, his back to the arm of the couch. He propped one leg up, then pulled Slade down so that he was sitting in front of him, his back to Carson’s chest.
“Relax,” Carson said. “Just sit with me.”
There was no such thing asjust sittingwith Carson. Slade had tried this at least a dozen times, and no matter how hard he tried to keep sex out of their encounter, Carson always redirected.
Only he didn’t this time.
They sat there long enough that Slade relaxed a little, shifting so he was leaning back, his legs stretched out on the couch.
“We’re gonna do what Atticus wants us to do,” Carson said.
Slade reacted, attempting to pull away, but Carson stopped him, draping his arms over Slade’s shoulders to keep him in place, his hands caressing his chest.
“This is stupid,” Slade snapped. He tried to pull away again. “Atticus!”
Atticus didn’t respond.
“You scared me, Slade,” Carson said, his arms tightening around him. “What you and I had … it was the first time I let myself believe I could have what I’d been looking for.”
The hint of uncertainty in Carson’s tone caused him to stop pulling away. Or trying to. As soon he stopped, Carson’s grip on him relaxed, but he didn’t stop touching him.
Slade wasn’t sure what to say, so he kept his mouth shut, ignoring the warmth that Carson’s admission filled him with. He didn’t want to talk about this. He didn’t want—
“That first time,” Carson continued, “with Phillip … I was testin’ you.”
Slade was surprised Carson remembered the man’s name. It wasn’t like he’d gotten to know him that night.
“Tryin’ to see how you would react. I didn’t think you’d go through with it. Part of me hoped you wouldn’t. But the depraved part … it was so powerful that night. I was so fuckin’ jealous. There was a moment when I was watchin’ you fuck him … I couldn’t breathe.”
Even as he spoke, Carson’s breaths became more rapid. Slade could feel the tension in his body. Hell, the memory alone made Slade’s dick hard, but Carson simply continued to brush his fingertips over Slade’s chest.
“When he left … God, Slade. It was all I could do not to hurt you.”
Slade knew Carson wasn’t talking about physical violence. He was referring to the way he had fucked Slade when they were alone. It wasn’t their first time together, but it was probably the most memorable. Carson had been hanging on by a thread, pounding himself into him until they were both crying out from the intensity of the orgasms that followed.
“The next time … with Paul … the guy you met at that bar down in Austin. Fuck. I thought for sure there was no way I’d feel the same as I did that first night. But it was cataclysmic. The jealousy tore through me, rippin’ me to shreds. I hated seein’ you with him, but at the same time, I loved every second because watchin’ you … it was euphoric. Seein’ you like that, another guy’s mouth on you, bringin’ you pleasure, makin’ you moan…” Carson shivered. “I’ll never forget it.”
Slade swallowed past the lump that clogged his throat. That night had been difficult for Slade. Once had been enough for him, so he’d hoped to talk Carson out of it. The next thing he knew, he was inviting Paul back to the hotel room they’d booked for the night. He’d laid it all out for Paul, thinking he would put the kibosh on it before it got started, but no. Paul was all for letting Carson watch. All the men he’d been with were. It was as though Carson knew exactly who to approach to get what he needed from them. That, or those men were as riveted by Carson as Slade was. It didn’t hurt that Carson was downright gorgeous, and letting a sexy cowboy with a devious smirk watch you get fucked wasn’t the worst thing in the world.
“I’ve been at this a long time,” Carson continued. “You weren’t the first guy I dated who I set up like that.”
Slade knew that, although he was surprised Carson used the term. Back then, he’d outright said they weren’t dating. They were merely fucking.
“But I’d never felt quite like I did when it was you I was watchin’. Deep down, I knew that was because I’d never wanted anyone like I wanted you.” Carson sighed. “I even allowed myself to think there might be a future for us. I’d never done that before. Findin’ a man who could put up with my depravity wasn’t something I expected.”
“I liked bein’ watched,” Slade admitted, realizing he’d stopped fighting Carson.
