Holt loved him. One night together, and the man loved him? Was he insane?
There wasn’t a damn thing about him to love. Seriously.
“What the hell do you think I have to offer you?” Rafe bit out. “YouorBailey?”
Never mind that Holt implied that the three of them should be together. How would that work? If Rafe couldn’t provide for one, how the hell was he supposed to provide for two?
“What is it you think we need you to offer us?” Holt asked, his tone bordering on condescending.
“Stability, for starters.”
“Yeah? Have you met Bailey Weber? I can guarantee she would fight either of us tooth and nail to prove her independence. She doesn’t need you to provide stability for her. And me? Shit. I’m doing well enough to support all three of us for a long damn time, Rafe. But it’s not about that.”
“Then what’s it about?” Rafe backed up again, needing to put some space between them. He couldn’t think when Holt’s intoxicating scent was drowning out everything else.
“It’s about caring for someone. Being there when they need you. Having their back during the hard times.”
Rafe had never had anyone like that in his life. Except for Rex, that was. But Rafe had proven he wasn’t worth it because he hadn’t been able to protect Rex when it counted. When people depended on him, he ultimately failed them. Even if they didn’t realize it.
“You’re your worst critic, Rafe.” Holt moved toward him again, refusing to let Rafe put the distance he needed between them.
“I can’t change that,” Rafe admitted. “It’s who I am.”
“That night … when you came to my condo … you put all that shit away for a little while.”
Rafe stared at Holt, remembering that night like it was yesterday. The sandwich. The blowjob. The shower. The fucking. Rafe shook his head, trying to dislodge the memories. Holt had shown him a side of himself he’d never known existed. And while the fucking had been intense, it had also been soul-searing. The bed had been the beginning, and by the time dawn broke, Rafe had given himself to Holt in damn near every room of that condo.
“You gave yourself to me, Rafe. Nothing bad happened. You can’t keep expecting the worst in everything. What’s the point of living if you can’t enjoy it.”
“I enjoy it just fine.” He did. He went to work. He had a few friends. People depended on him to help when he could. He enjoyed life just fucking fine.
“You go through the motions, but you don’t enjoy it. Spend one night with Bailey and see how different you feel. I can tell you from experience that there’s nothing like waking up to her in the morning.”
Rafe swallowed hard. The thought of never having the chance to experience that for himself hurt more than he wanted to admit. At the same time, he’d robbed himself of having that opportunity with Holt by running away that night and never looking back. How could he possibly want both? More importantly, why would he deserve both of them?
“She’s over there right now waiting for us to come back.”
“I can’t go in that house.”
“You mean you won’t. You can. Physically, you’re capable. I assure you I won’t let anything bad happen.”
Rafe stared back at him, clinging to that promise in a way that scared him. Rex had made that promise once, and look what happened? They’d both endured hell, and neither of them had been able to do a damn thing to stop it.
“One night, Rafe.” Holt held up a hand before Rafe could argue. “Onehour. Give it one hour. Or hell, we’ll take it minute by minute. Just give her this. You owe her that much.”
“And what do I owe you?” Rafe asked because that was what it came down to, right? He had to pay his penance for walking away from Holt.
“Nothing. You owe me nothing. That won’t change how I feel about you. That’s why they call it unconditional love. It’s not based on what you can provide.”
Rafe was seriously considering it. One minute at a time. Surely he could do that. He wanted to see Bailey. After she left this afternoon, all he could think about was her. To spend just a few more minutes with her would ease some of the chaos.
“Fine. But I’m not makin’ any promises. If I want to leave, I’m leavin’.”
“Understood.”
Rafe took a deep breath and headed for the door. Before he could reach it, Holt’s hand curled around his wrist, jerking him back. The next thing Rafe knew, he was up against the wall, Holt’s big body pinning him there. Their mouths crashed together. It was all Rafe could do to hold on, pressing his fingertips into Holt’s flesh. He kept himself together by sheer will. Try as he might, Rafe had never been able to forget that night or the change that had taken place within him after he’d been with Holt. He hadn’t been the same since, and he knew if he walked away from this man again, he would forever be altered once again.
“Tell me it’s still there,” Holt whispered against his lips. “Tell me you feel it, too.”
