“Can you at least listen?” Reese prompted, staring at the back of Brantley’s head because he refused to look his way.
“If it’ll get you to shut up about it,” Brantley grumbled.
Reese took a deep breath, blew it out slowly. “It doesn’t make it any better, but I want you to know I didn’t reach out to Madison first. She texted me.”
He noticed Brantley’s shoulders stiffen.
“It was right after we started working for Sniper 1, and since her brother’s married to a Kogan, she caught wind of it. I’ve got the text thread if you want to see it.”
No response.
“It’s mundane bullshit. I didn’t always respond.” Reese turned his attention to the front windshield so he could center himself. “I did, however, agree to meet up with her. I told myself it was because she needed closure or because I did, but that was a lie. I needed … something. Validation, I guess. Things between you and me … they were good. Too good. I thought for sure something was going to go wrong.”
“So you sabotaged us?”
He peered over, saw Brantley was still looking the other way.
“Not purposely, no, although it would seem that way.” He exhaled heavily. “I was trying to make sense of it all. My feelings for you, how they came on so fast. I couldn’t rationalize how I’d gone from never having considered a man attractive to falling in love with you. I still don’t look at men like that. There is only one.”
“But you find women attractive?”
“To a degree, sure,” he admitted. “But it’s not the same. Not anymore. No one has captured my attention the way you do.” He ensured he maintained present tense, wanting Brantley to know he still saw a future for them. “When Madison texted me, I thought if I talked to her, it might make sense. I might be able to figure out how I’d gone from proposing to her years ago to wanting to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Brantley’s head rolled along the back of the seat as he turned toward Reese. “Did it help?”
Reese looked away. “That night, when I pulled into the parking lot, I knew it was wrong. The only place I wanted to be was with you, but I didn’t want to stand her up. I decided I was going to tell her the truth. I figured admitting it aloud might help.”
“From what I saw on the recording, she didn’t look all that surprised. I take it you didn’t tell her.”
Reese swallowed the hard lump in his throat. “I didn’t get a chance. When she mentioned our past, I realized she’d altered it to fit the present. She’d rewritten history because it was easier. I don’t know why; I don’t know what’s going on in her life that made her feel the need to seek the comforts of the past. I corrected her, and I think the blinders fell away. She assumed I’d met a woman. I didn’t get a chance to tell her you were the one who turned my world upside down and set me on a new path. I wanted to.” He peered at Brantley. “But I was terrified.”
Brantley continued to stare at him, so Reese forged ahead. “About that time, the two guys came in. My only thought was to get her out of there.”
“She got,” Brantley muttered harshly. “Left you for dead.”
Reese understood the frustration because he’d dealt with it, too. “If she’d come back, they would’ve taken her, Brantley. And I would’ve still been shot. Or worse, dead because I would never let that happen.”
The silence in the truck was so loud Reese battled the urge to get out.
“I haven’t talked to her since. I blocked her number, so I don’t even know if she’s attempted.” Reese tried to relax, couldn’t. “I told RT to get a message to her. To let her know I was fine but that I’d moved on with my life.”
“So that’s what you did for the past six months? You moved on?”
“Not from what matters, no. I focused on healing and getting my shit together. You deserve more than what I was giving you, Brantley. You had my whole heart, but I was still terrified of what that meant.”
“A lot of self-reflection?”
Reese looked at him, met his stare. “I went to counseling while I was up there. Z insisted. I worked through the trauma of getting shot, and I finally admitted that I was not the same man I was before I met you.”
“You didn’t deal with the other trauma.”
It wasn’t a question, but Reese responded anyway. “I can deal with only so much at a time, so I didn’t bring it up, no.” He ensured Brantley was looking at him when he added, “But I’m willing to tell you if you want to hear it.”
Neither of them spoke for a few heartbeats.
“You would, wouldn’t you?” Brantley frowned. “Tell me, I mean.”
Reese nodded. “I love you. I’ve never been confused about that, but now I’m comfortable with it.”
