“I couldn’t risk it. Couldn’t risk you.”
“I wasn’t fifteen the last time you were there,” I told him, remembering how he’d kissed me, how he’d given me the most exciting night of my entire life and then ripped it out from under me as though I wasn’t worthy.
“You weren’t, no. But there were things at play, things I couldn’t…”
I stared up at him, waiting for him to explain it all. Why he’d stolen everything from my father, why my father blamed him, why Kitty blamed me.
However, Knox didn’t say anything. Not with words.
He leaned down, his mouth hovering dangerously close to mine, and I found myself leaning in, magnetized to his warmth. I placed my palm flat on his chest and remembered the way I’d done it that night in the hot tub. He’d been hard and hot beneath my fingertips, and he still was now, only this time, I wasn’t anxious or scared of him.
“Knox…”
“That night, I wanted you more than I’d ever wanted anything,” he whispered against my mouth. “I still think about how fucking sweet you were, Em. How I wanted to defile you in the worst way.” His lips brushed mine ever so lightly. “I still do. I want to touch and taste. I want to feel your pussy gripping my cock, to slide into the silky, wet depths until you’re begging me to let you come.”
His words had the impact of an atom bomb, the explosion leveling me. If it wasn’t for him putting his arm around me, I would’ve gone to my knees.
“I still want you, Em. I fucking crave you like a drug.”
I was tempted to believe him. I could practically taste his hunger, feel his passion, and I understood what that was like because I felt it, too. However, I wasn’t the one who’d devastated our family, shattered dreams, and broken hearts. He’d done that.Hewas responsible for that.
Although it would’ve been so easy to give in to him, I knew I couldn’t. I owed it to myself to get the truth and if nothing else, Knox owed me that much.
It took effort, but I managed to pull back a fraction, but I kept my hand on his chest, unwilling to give it all up yet. “If you want me so much, you’d tell me why you did it,” I forced out, ignoring the desire that pulsed in my veins.
Knox pulled back an inch, met my gaze, held it. “It’s not my place.”
“The hell it’s not,” I snapped, forcing steel into my knees and holding myself upright. I backed up a step.
“Em—”
I backed up another step. “No.” I took a deep breath, exhaled. “If you expect us to move forward, I need an explanation.”
His green eyes shuddered as they glided over my face. He nodded once, then backed up. “If that’s how it has to be…”
I stared in absolute horror as Knox walked toward the door.
“Seriously?” I shouted, unable to hold back the emotion. “You’re gonna do it again? You’re gonna walk away?”
“I can’t give you what you want, Em, and I refuse to take what you won’t offer.”
His words plowed through my brain like a freight train. How could he do this? How could he claim to want me and so easily turn his back on me?
My chest hurt the same way it had when he’d walked away that night. As though my very heart was being run through one of Guillermo’s meat grinders.
“If you change your mind,” he said, peering back at me over his shoulder, “you know how to reach me, Em.”
A sound escaped me and I realized it was a sob. I’d stood my ground with Knox and he’d walked away.
Again.
19
Kieran
I was standing outside Emily’s bedroom whenKnox came through the door, his head down, his hands fisted at his sides.
“You can’t do this again,” I warned him, stepping in his path so he was forced to stop. “She can only take so much.”
