He smiles, looking up at the ceiling once more, as though he doesn’t have a care in the world and it isn’t inappropriate for him to be in my bed.
With a huff, I roll to my back and join him in admiring the ceiling. “Why aren’t you touching me, Knox?”
He doesn’t answer, the two of us just lying there, staring up. I listen to him breathe even as I do my best to control my own erratic breaths. It isn’t easy when his sexy scent drifts toward me, making me intimately aware of the fact he’s so close I can touch him if I want to. Not that I do.
Okay, I do.
It’s wrong, but it’s a fact, nonetheless. And I want every—
I was jarred awake by a whirring sound.
My eyes flew open to see the curtains retracting, the sun spilling into the room, cutting through the dream like a knife, shearing it off just when it was getting good.
A dream.
Oh my God. It had all been a dream. The reality of what had actually happened last night hit me like a tsunami. The hot tub. Knox touching me. Knox giving me an orgasm. Knox telling me I wasn’t good enough for him before walking away.
My stomach pitched as I recalled the hateful things he’d said before he left me there, alone in the dark.
I frowned, staring out the windows as the day was revealed, the sky a perfect blue, almost as perfect as it had been in the dream.
Damn it. I wanted the stupid dream back. I didn’t want reality.
Clutching my comforter, I pushed myself up on the pillow, closed my eyes, and tried to bring it back, wanting to sink into the warmth of Knox’s arms, to feel cherished for just a few minutes longer because I knew there was not going to be breakfast in bed. There would be no one coming to wake me, wishing me a happy birthday, because that wasn’t how things were done in this house. Birthdays were inconsequential, just another day on the calendar.
Reality sucked.
I was officially twenty-one years old, and today was the day I’d been looking forward to for so long, the day I was finally seen as an adult after all these years of being treated like a child, and there was no one who would be celebrating it with me.
As far as years were concerned, I hadn’t been a child in quite some time, yet I’d never done anything about it. I’d sat back and allowed my stepmother to keep me under her thumb but today…
My rambling thoughts stopped all on their own. There was no sense hashing this out again. It was the same thing I’d been doing every year on my birthday. I always bitched and moaned that nothing changed, but at the same time, I never did anythingtochange it.
Not anymore, I decided. Today I was going to take the reins of my own life. I was going to stop being the pushover, stop letting Kitty tell me what to wear, what to eat.
I pulled air deep into my lungs, held it there as a panic attack threatened.
Okay, maybe I would take it slower than that. After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day. I didn’t have to alter my entire life at once.
Baby steps.
I took another deep breath, watched as a flock of seagulls glided by the window as I willed my heart to stop racing.
As I lay there, secure in the warmth of the blankets, the serenity laid out before me in the form of the vast ocean and the crystal-clear blue sky just outside the windows, I let my heart rate slow, the adrenaline rush fading. I pushed out all the negative energy. I would not panic because there was nothing to panic about. Today was going to be a good day. It had to be.
I mean, it couldn’t really get much worse, right?
The minutes ticked by as I fought for calm. This happened frequently when I thought about being on my own. While there was so much I wanted to do in my life, I’d never known anything but this. I’d never even picked out my own clothes, never had to worry about what I would have for dinner. Those things were always selected for me and the thought of doing them myself…
While they were exciting to an extent, they were still terrifying.
Baby steps, I reminded myself.
As I was sitting up, preparing to see what outfit had been selected for today so I could get ready for breakfast, memories of last night returned and I paused.
Knoxlookingat me.
So much heat in his pretty green eyes, so much promise.
