Somehow he found the energy to get to his feet. He headed for the pink-tiled bathroom that he hated with a passion. He pulled back the utilitarian white shower curtain, turned the ancient faucet to start the water, then pulled the knob to transfer it to the shower head. A minute later, he was under the spray, going through the motions. In five minutes flat, he was out and dried off, towel wrapped around his hips while he ran a comb through his hair and his beard. Mack paid little attention to his appearance these days because he couldn’t see the point, but he did his best not to look homeless. Once that happened, he figured all was lost.
He took the time to brush his teeth, gargle mouthwash, and wipe his mouth before he headed for his room. The house was so old there wasn’t a master bedroom or an en suite, just three small rooms with three equally small closets. The extra rooms he used as storage for shit he’d acquired over the years and a few of Daniel’s old things from when he’d stayed on the weekends when he was a kid. Those days were long gone now, his boy grown and living his own life.
Funny, Mack would’ve figured Daniel would be too busy with his social life to worry about what Mack did, but for the past four years—ever since Mack ended things with Jeff—the kid seemed to have more time on his hands. From time to time they would meet for dinner, but always just the two of them and never in Coyote Ridge.
Mack opened his closet, grabbed the string to turn on the single bulb mounted to the ceiling, then rummaged through the plethora of T-shirts he owned. He had one in every color and seven pairs of jeans, a couple that had seen better days. He blindly grabbed one of each, snagged his black boots from the rack on the floor, then headed back out, tossed his bounty on the bed.
Why hadn’t Daniel ever introduced him to one of his female friends, Mack wondered. There was one Daniel had talked about for a while, though Mack couldn’t remember her name. Then again, he wasn’t sure Daniel had ever told him.
“Probably doesn’t trust me,” Mack muttered as he retrieved his belt from the top drawer of his old dresser, threw it on the bed.
Yeah, that was likely it. Daniel didn’t trust him, but Mack couldn’t blame him. He’d lied to the boy for a good part of his life, always deflecting when Daniel inquired as to why Mack’s marriage to his mother had gone south. He remembered the fear he’d harbored those days. Every time he went to pick Daniel up at his mother’s, he’d expected the kid to know that Mack was at fault because he’d never actually been in love with Meredith though he’d fathered a child with her.
“All my fault,” he grumbled, once more accepting the blame.
It was, after all, true.
*
Jeff stood in the doorway, watching Mack wander around his bedroom, listening to him mumble to himself as he was known to do. He knew the man had no idea he was there, but Jeff didn’t bother to announce his presence, instead taking a moment to observe him in his element.
It pained him to see Mack so down. While he’d never been called a happy man, Jeff had seen him at his best. That smile he rarely flashed used to be what Jeff looked forward to most when he saw him.
“All my fault,” Mack repeated, dropping his head as he stood beside the bed.
“What’s your fault?” Jeff asked, though he already knew the answer.
Mack spun around so fast the towel around his hips came loose, falling to the floor.
“Leave it,” Jeff commanded when Mack reached down for it.
As usual, Mack ignored him, snagging the towel from the floor, but rather than put it in place, he let it dangle from his hand.
Jeff took a step forward, openly ogling the big man.
“What do you want, Jeff?”
He lifted his eyes to Mack’s face. “For starters, dinner. Then you. Maybe some dessert afterwards. Then you again.”
Jeff loved the way Mack’s eyes lost the anger and desolation as they filled with heat. It never had taken much to get him worked up, though there was something lacking in those pretty blue eyes. The warmth that had once been there was long gone, replaced with a gloomy resignation, storm clouds dulling the brilliant shine.
“Honestly,” Jeff told him, “I didn’t have an agenda. Well, aside from dinner because I picked it up. I simply wanted to see you.”
Jeff loved the way Mack’s entire face softened, as though he’d needed to hear those exact words. He’d made a point of telling Mack how he felt back when they’d been together because he’d sensed his vulnerability. Mack had never been comfortable in his own skin, racked with self-doubts, and Jeff knew those had grown tenfold over the past few years. Expected with Daniel dogging him at every turn, pinpointing all the things he felt were flaws in his father.
Problem was, what Daniel saw as flaws, Jeff saw as highlights. He’d never wanted to change a thing about Mack, though he knew Mack was always waiting for it.
“I have to go to work,” Mack said, his chest muscles flexing.
His pecs weren’t the only things hardening on his body though. Seemed Mack still enjoyed Jeff ogling him.
“Actually, you’ve got the night off. I called Rafe, asked him to fill in. He was only too happy to oblige.”
“So, what? You think you can come in and rearrange my schedule for me?”
Jeff locked eyes with Mack. “Not at all. If I did, I’d probably need to get in touch with Daniel. He’s the one in charge of it now, isn’t he?”
“Fuck you,” Mack rasped, turning away from him.
