But I knew what she’d say. She’d made her position clear, time and time again, and pushing her would lead nowhere. She had to encounter that moment herself—the life-changing, gut-churning moment when the worldshifted, and you saw things in an entirely new light.
At least, I hoped she would.
“Speaking of enjoying things, I’ve planned for us to head into Oakwater this evening. I thought we could go watch the minstrels again.” I cleared my throat, suddenly unsure if she’d accept after how uneasy she’d been around me lately. “It might be your last chance to dance, after all.”
Her face clouded over. “You’re right. The guild doesn’t like dancing.”
“Frida—” I started to say, then stopped myself. With a sigh, I stood and grabbed my plate to clear the table. I had to do something with my hands if I wanted to stop myself from saying something we’d both regret.
“Why do you think they do that?” she asked softly.
I paused, plate in hand. “The dancing ban?”
“All of it. The bad food, the celibacy, the rule to cut off anyone who isn’t a member of the guild, even if they’re your family. What is it allfor, Rune?”
My heart pounded. This was the first time I’d heard her actually question things. I tried to quell my rising hope, but these were the very questions that had launched my own disillusionment. Pick at the seams, and it all unravels.
I put the plate back on the table and sat down, levelling my gaze on her.
“When you join the guild, you’re no longer your own person. The guild is the body, and you’re just a limb. You become the hand that holds the knife, or the fingers that reach into pockets to steal. If you have joy outside of that—a lover, a sister, a book that speaks to your soul—it reminds you of what life is like beyond your role as a tool. You remember you are your own person, which makes you yearn for a real life. And then it makes you leave.” I gave her a grim nod. “The guild has so few membersthat it cannot afford to lose a single one. So they do what they can to control you and keep you from remembering the joys of life.”
I’d probably said too much, but the words had poured out of me. Words I’d been dying to say to her since the start.
Frida blinked rapidly and clutched the edge of the table. After a moment, she stood and paced. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. Despite the shaking in her hands, her face was blank. She clearly didn’t like what I’d said, but that could be for any number of reasons.
And so I let her pace. When I felt overwhelmed by emotion, the last thing I needed was for someone to ask me what I was thinking. She needed to work through her thoughts first.
Eventually, she came back to the table. Her eyes latched onto mine, and her lips parted, like she wanted to say something. But instead, she grabbed the remaining wedge of cheese and shoved it into her mouth.
When she’d finished chewing, she said, “Thank you, Rune. I would like to go see the minstrels tonight, like you suggested. But first, I’m going to visit Eldi.”
And with that, she practically ran out the door, leaving me to wonder if I’d pushed her too far.
22
FRIDA
Ispent the morning confessing everything to Eldi. The poor dragon had to listen to me go on and on about my feelings for Rune and my dread about returning to the mainland. Over the past few days, questions had been growing in my mind, questions I’d tried to bury under an avalanche of dirt. But they kept sprouting, stubbornly insisting I water them.
Why did the guild want to banish happiness?
How could my own father demand that from me?
Was Louisa right? Would I lose myself when I returned to the guild-hall and began carrying out my real assignments?
How would it feel when I left my newly bonded dragon behind? And Arvid? And…Rune.
I’d taken some Hugur sand to facilitate the conversation, just to ensure Eldi could understand me. When I’d finished laying out my questions, I felt a bit better for it. Nothing was solved, but acknowledging my problems out loud helped soften the sting of them.
Sighing, I sank onto the ground beside him and rested my forehead against his flank. The heat of him surrounded me like a hug.
My sweet friend, do you not see what you must do?
The voice rumbled through my mind, impossibly deep and gravelly. A jolt went through me, and I leapt to my feet. Heart pounding, I stared at Eldi, my lips parting. Had he…had he finally managed to speak to me? Or was I so distraught that I’d started hallucinating things now?
A rumbling went through my mind again.It is me, sweet friend. You did not hear me speak before because you did not consume enough Hugur sand. This time, you did.
I grinned, practically bouncing up and down on my toes. “I can’t believe it, Eldi. I can hear your voice!”
