While Kalen contacted Ruari through another stone, I went over to Nellie’s side and sat. Idly, I stroked her fur. It was so soft, as soft as her mane of chestnut hair. I tried to find the words to say, but how do you ask your wolf sister what you can do to help her shift back into her human form? War was coming. I did not know how much longer we’d be alive. I needed to look into the face of my sister—thehumanface—and know that she was all right. At least for now. At least until the end of it all raced toward us from the darkness.
“Have you tried to shift back?” I finally asked her. “Or are you staying like this because you want to?”
The wolf gazed deeply into my eyes and just blinked.
I heaved out a sigh. “Come on. I know you understand me. Nod if you want to come back to me. Nod if you want to be human again.”
But Nellie wasn’t fully human. She never had been and never would be. And even though I still thought of myself as mortal, I wasn’t, either. Sirius had known it, too. I hadn’t mentioned it to Kalen and his Mist Guard, but I knew I might be the reason the gods wanted to come here—to find me and take me to Andromeda.
This city was full of innocents who did not deserve to die, least of all for me.
Kalen finished speaking with Ruari and tossed the broken gemstone onto the war table. It skittered across the surface, knocking aside crowns and buildings that stood in the way of its violent path. An ominous sight.
“Bad news?” I hated to ask.
He continued to stare down at the map. “He’s mobilizing his army, but it will take two weeks for him to get here. One week if they move quickly, but they’ll likely face battles of their own out there. Pookas and whatever else attacks them will catch the scent of an army easily enough.”
“You think the beasts would attack an entire army? That seems suicidal.”
“If the pookas remain in small groups? Unlikely.” His gaze went dark. “But I would not put it past them to form their own army now if they’re being controlled by the gods, like I think they are. An army of hundreds.”
Thirty-Six
Tessa
Acool wind whistled through the battlements. Archers patrolled the stretch of stone that faced the border and the silent valley below, but mostly, I stood alone up here, my hair unbound and blowing in the breeze. I pulled the mist into my lungs and memorized the smell of it—the feel of it. There was darkness in it. Darkness and cold. But it also smelled like…silver and snow. There was a hint of pine and sage, even a little salt. The scent of it enveloped me, and the mist caressed my skin, soothing away the clamminess of my hands, free of their gloves now.
Up here, with no one around, I placed my naked palms on the stone ledge and justbreathed.
I was alive, and somewhere high above, hidden by the dense mist, the stars sparkled in the sky. They endured, their light refusing to blink out despite the darkness that tried to swallow them. If only those of us down here could be like those stars.
Instead, death was coming for us. This beautiful, glorious, twisted world…I would be gone from it.Everyonein Dubnos would be gone if the gods were truly on their way here. The reality of it all choked the breath from my lungs. My fingers gripped the stone.
I did not want to die.
The thought echoed in my mind with sudden clarity.
“I do not want to die,” I whispered to the mists.
For so long, I had been careless with my life. I’d barreled into danger with hardly a thought to the consequences. Anger and defiance had been my fuel, and it had burned me up inside, making me throw all caution to the wind. Because deep down, perhaps I hadn’t truly cared about my own existence. It had meant so very little to me.
Somewhere along the way, that had changed.
I glanced down at the bundle of flowers I’d asked one of the maidservants to bring me. I’d brought them up here when I’d still been wearing my gloves, but now that my fingers were free—now that my power was free—I needed to see if I could control it.
Ihadto control it.
Kneeling on the stone, I held my breath and forced myself to focus on the thread of magic that wound through me. I reached out and tapped one of the petals. The flower wilted instantly, and dust swarmed across the surface, choking all the life from it. I clenched my hands into fists in frustration, but then shook it away and focused. Andromeda gave death, but she could give life, too. It was the only reason I’d been able to save Fenella. I’d found control then. I could again. And so I tried to call upon that side of me and I tapped the flower once more.
Nothing happened.
With a heavy sigh, I sat back on my heels and shoved my gloves onto my hands.
Boots tapped the stones, and I glanced up as Kalen walked toward me with Boudica perched on his shoulder. He’d changed into a simple tunic, the top buttons open to reveal his perfectly sculpted chest. Gone were his crown and kingly gait. He was just another fae taking a stroll, as if the world weren’t hurtling toward doom.
“Any luck?” he asked.
I pressed up from the ground and shook my head. “I still can’t control it.”
