It trembled in the depths of my soul, basking in the heat of the shower. Eyes closed, I tried to shove that feeling back, but it smacked me out of the way as if I were nothing but a pesky fly.
Darkness filled my vision, turning everything into vague shadows. My body trembled as the heat poured over me. It was as if the shower had teased the monster out of hiding. The warmth called to the demon, reaching for the rage that simmered like a snake ready to strike.
“Caim,” I called out, palming the shower door.
His boots thundered on the floor, and then the shower door whipped wide open. Caim took one look at my face and pulled me out of the shower. Steam misted the room around me, making the shadows dance like twisted wraiths.
“It feels like it’s coming on,” I whispered as I clutched his shirt. “I can barely see. And the hunger...I want to rip something apart, Caim. I want to sink my teeth into...”
“I’ve got you,” he murmured, lifting me up into his arms. He carried me out of the bathroom and kicked the door shut behind him, as if coming to the same conclusion I had. The heat was bringing it out of me.
Gently, he lowered me onto the bed. He grasped my hands in his and peered down at me. Those eyes. Those sure and steady eyes. So dark, so soothing. There was something in them that called to me.
The darkness flooded in and blocked out the sight. I whimpered until his strong hand clenched tighter around mine.
“Caim, I can’t see anymore. It’s going to take over. I’m going to become the monster again.” Tears poured down my cheeks. I could feel my skin turn damp. “What if I hurt you? What if I go after Anya and Sarah? They can’t protect themselves.”
“First, you won’t hurt me, Eva.” His strong voice caressed my ears. “I’m one of the Princes of Hell. You might fight me, but I’ll be fine.”
“But the cult—”
“Used witchcraft against us to dull our powers, back when they were humans,” he said. “You don’t have the ability to do that. Plus, the rest of the Legion are out there. I guarantee you Phenex is listening right now. They’ll help me tie you to the bed if necessary.”
That brought me some comfort, even if that was ridiculous. I shouldn’twantto be tied to a bed, but if it would keep everyone safe...then I’d happily do it. What had my life become?
“But second,” he continued, “I’m not going to let you lose yourself this time. Listen to my voice, Eva. Concentrate on that. Stay here with me. Don’t let go.”
“I don’t think I have much of a choice,” I whispered back, still unable to see anything but a deep, impenetrable darkness.
“Yes, you do,” he murmured. “We all do. How do you think I was able to fight against the darkness inside of me? How do you think I was able to come into myself after so long living in the shadows?”
He was right, of course. Even though Caim rarely talked about it, he and the others had said enough about their past that I’d been able to piece a few things together. They were demons, born with vengeance in their souls. And once, they had been bound to it. They’d done terrible things in Hell. At some point, they’d found a way to fight against it to become the men they were now.
But they hadn’t made it sound easy.
“Didn’t it take you decades?” I whispered, my voice wobbling.
“Time doesn’t matter,” he said, which told me everything I needed to know. It was a non-answer if I’d ever heard one. “Right now, you focus on me and staying here in this room where you belong. You can fight against this, Eva. You don’t have to give in to the thing inside you. I’m here by your side. Think of me as your anchor, grounding you.”
Caim continued to murmur words to me, knowing that I couldn’t see his face. The only connection I had to this world was his touch, that firm hand gripping mine, and that calm, soothing voice that made me feel as if everything could be right in the world.
Even as the monster gnawed at my soul, desperate to get out.
I held myself steady and listened to his every word as the darkness roiled through me. He kept me there with him. Never once did he let go as I clung onto the determined belief in his voice. Somehow, it worked.
17
Eva
Imade it through the night and into the next morning without giving in to the darkness. With Caim’s strong, steady arms wrapped around my trembling body, I even managed to drift off to sleep sometime after three. I woke to the scent of his fire soothing me. It felt as if I sat in front of a midnight fireplace, the flickering flames transforming his bedroom into a cozy haven of autumn leaves, sweaters, and scarves.
I managed a smile as I propped myself up on my elbows to gaze down at him. Last night had been...terrible. There was no other way to describe it. I’d succumbed to my worst nightmare and had seen the fear and shock on Caim’s face as I’d tried to process it all.
But he’d been there. He’d kept me steady. He’d held me close. Even though I was becoming everything he hated, he didn’t pull away from me.
And if it hadn’t been for him, I likely wouldn’t have made it through the night in one piece. Not me, anyway. Eva, the girl who loved to dance and write. The girl I always wanted to be.
The girl I was scared to lose. I’d always known my life might be cut short at any moment. I’d prepared myself for that. But this felt different somehow. It felt like saying goodbye to my soul, not just my life.
