My heart pounded hard. In reality, nothing about his words should get me flustered. We were just having a conversation, chatting about nothing that had to do with the tension I felt bouncing between us. But Finn, as always, had chosen his words carefully, putting enough suggestive tension in them to make my cheeks flame. He knew exactly how to get under my skin, and he relished init.
“Maybe I’m driven by that, too,” I whispered as I dug my fingers into the bark of the nearest tree. With a deep breath, I shifted just a whisper closer to him. “Maybe I like to imagine how it would be to give in to what I think feels good,too.”
“Is that so?” He took a step closer and trailed a hot finger down my cheek. I shuddered against his touch, sparks lighting up every inch of me that was left yearning for more of his caress. “If that is truly the case, then perhaps we should find out just how much you like to feelpleasure.”
Oh my god.Had he really just said those wordsaloud?
“The kind of pleasure that would cause flowers to bloom all around us, even if we’re in the middle ofAutumn?”
The words popped from my mouth before I could stop them. And Finn was relishing init.
He dropped back his head to laugh. “I see my words made an impression on you all those months ago. Tell me, Norah. Have you been wondering what that might be like? Have you been wishing you could experience it yourself? It’s quite the event. Or so I’mtold.”
My eyebrows shot to the top of my forehead. “Or so you’re told? So, you haven’t experienced it. Youdidmake it up. All this time, I thought it sounded crazy, but I just kept thinking…I can’t believe I was sogullible.”
Disappointment shuddered through me, even though that was ridiculous. I’d really wanted Finn’s joke to be the truth. I’d really wanted to spread out on the grass with a male I loved, to feel his lips on mine, for the flowers to sprout all around us as we showed each other exactly how much wecared.
“I didn’t make it up,” he simply said with a wink. “It’s the truth. All I said was that I’d never experienced it myself. There are certain acts you have to engage in for it to happen, youknow.”
“Wait…” Realization dawned in my head. “So, you’venever…?”
“No,” he said with a slight smile. “I’ve waited for the right female. I’ve waited for the right time. Which is why, as much as it pains me to say, I won’t be pushing you down on the grass and taking you as mine right here and now. Not when there’s so much pain in your eyes. Not when your thoughts are weighing so heavy on your mind. I won’t be an escape from your problems, Norah. But, trust me, I count down the days to when I can truly call youmine.”
Chapter Seven
At dawn,we climbed onto our horses and made the final leg of the journey back to the academy grounds. Bree rode behind me, her brilliant blue eyes turned down in sadness. Even her shoulders, usually swept back in a show of defiance at the world, were slumped forward. Otherworld hadn’t been kind to Sophia, and it hadn’t been kind to Bree either. And yet, she hadn’t once said she wanted toleave…
I dropped back to ride beside her, letting Finn and Kael go ahead down the path, putting some distance between us. Bree and I needed to talk, but I didn’t want to put her on the spot in front of the others. Plus, she needed me right now. I’d never seen her look so forlorn, not even when she’d been days away from fully transforming into a beast of thenight.
“Bree,” I said quietly, almost too softly for her to hear over the thud of hooves on the dirt-packed ground. “Can I ask you something? You can say no, of course. If you don’t want to talk right now, Iunderstand.”
“Go ahead,” she said with a strained smile. “You know you can always ask me anything. No matter what, I never want to keep any secrets fromyou.”
A light wind rustled my hair as I tried to find the right way to phrase my question. In the end, I decided straight and to-the-point best approach. “When you took the cure, did you really want it to work? Were you…I don’t know, almost wishing it wouldn’t takehold?”
She widened her eyes, and her hands tightened around her reins. “Of course I wanted the cure to work. I didn’t want to become a Redcap, Norah. As much as I care for the others I met when I was roaming the countryside, I never once wanted to become an out-of-control beast who hunted and killed.” A pause. “Come on. You know me better thanthat.”
“That’s not what I meant...I know you didn’t want to become a beast, but I get the feeling that you didn’t want to return home either. I’m just wondering if there was a part of you that wished you didn’t have to be human again. That’sall.”
She turned away at that, facing forward to stare at the rolling countryside before us. “Put yourself in my place, Norah. You’re my best friend. I love you more than I can ever possibly explain. I’d go to the moon and back for you, and I know you’d do the same for me. Hell, you practically did. But…you’ve always been the special one. The beautiful one. You’re tall and lithe with your blonde hair and big green eyes. So talented. So smart. And then there’s me. I’ve always been the shadow behind your wings. My life back in New York was bland and boring, and I just wanted out of there. I wanted to see different places. See a different sky. When I came here, it was justeverything. Coming to Otherworld was the adventure I’d always dreamed of, but I didn’t belong here. Not really. So, you’re right. I didn’t want to be a beast, but I didn’t want to be cured and go back to what I was either. I wanted to be Bree, but more than Bree. I wanted to befae.”
I blinked at her, shock and sadness pouring through me. I’d never had any idea she felt like this. I’d never imagined thatshecould feel as if she hid inmyshadows. In fact, I’d always felt like it was the other way around. She was the fierce one, the beautiful one. I was the one who never fitin.
“Bree,” I said softly. “Please don’t feel this way. Why haven’t you ever said all this tome?”
She lifted her shoulder in a shrug. “Because I didn’t want you to feel like you had to dampen your glow just so I couldshine.”
Tears filled my eyes, and I shook my head. “But you do shine. Brighter than anyone I’ve ever known. You think you were second best? So did I. You were Carrie Bradshaw or Rachel Green, and then I was the awkward girl in the corner who wasn’t even part of the maincast.”
Bree laughed at that, and that twinkle in her eye popped back for just a moment. “Okay, so we’re both self-conscious idiots. I guess I just wanted my adventure, Norah. I wanted to feel special and like the world was alive. That’s not what I got though.” She sighed, and that spark died out. “Instead, I just keep running into death. Autumn fae tried to use me. The Redcaps who helped me have either turned into murderous beasts or they’ve ended up deadthemselves.”
I shot her a sad smile. “I’m so sorry,Bree.”
“It’s not your fault.” But it was. “On the plus side, I’m getting some sexy pointed ears like you havenow.”
She brushed her long dark hair behind her dainty shoulder and pointed at the narrowing tip of her ear. Indeed, the edges had sharpened, just like mine had. How very, very strange. Bree had said that she’d wished to be fae. Had the Winter Starlight somehow heard her plea? Could it grant wishes? There was still so much about this world I didn’t understand. And there was still so much I needed to learn before I could truly help thecourts.
“They look fabulous on you.” I grinned. “And if that isn’t a sign you belong in Otherworld, then I don’t know whatis.”
