“It matters,” he growls, “because your life isn’t the only one at stake.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Anger pulses through my veins. “Every day in the wilds is a gamble with death, and guess what? It’s winning.” I throw my arm out and gesture to the snowy mountains and beyond, where the wilds and its rot lies. “Allour lives are at stake, Alistair, every single day we exist. Don’t preach to me about risk when you’ve never spent a day outside your precious pack territory.”
He smoothes his expression, effectively cutting me off from understanding any shred of his turbulent emotions. “Thiswasa mistake, then. You don’t want . . .” He swallows the rest of his thoughts, jaw clenching as he turns away. “Of course you don’t. I shouldn’t have assumed.” Backing up, he jumps onto the railing and swings one leg over to straddle the icy stone. Then he glances down like he’s going to jump.
A sudden sense of peace washes over him, and my heart leaps to my throat.
He’s beautiful when the world around him disappears.
Gripping the railing, Alistair leans back and tilts his head up toward the moon, bathing himself in its soft light. Fiery tendrils of hair caress his ears, blown back from his forehead by the wind. His eyes continue to glow that same summer gold, so close to mine that it’s like we’re?—
A gentle smile curves on his lips, so hauntingly beautiful that my heart cracks. “I’m going for a run,” he says softly, “before I make any other mistakes tonight.” The autumn freckles on his cheeks dust his shoulders and trail down his arms, reminding me of a riverbank at sunrise. As I drink in his appearance, hedoes the same to me, igniting a fire in his eyes that suggests more than either of us should entertain.
But I guess we’re both gluttons for punishment, because I can’t keep my mouth shut. “Like what?” I ask.
His smile falters. “Like kiss my mate.” Then he sighs and subtly shakes his head. “Or invite her to run with me.” When he looks up, the invitation lingers in his gaze, an unspoken desire for company from the last woman he should ever crave.
And yet, here we are, stealing precious time from each other.
“I’m not your mate, Alistair,” I whisper, unwilling to unravel why that admission feels as heavy as a rainstorm.
He shrugs a shoulder like we’re having a casual conversation. “Would that stop you from saying yes?”
My heartbeat kicks like a drum. The desire to let my wolf out and run thrums beneath my skin. But it’s not only the influence of the oncoming full moon or the thrill of the run itself that entices me—it’s Alistair himself. Some bone-deep part of me resonates with something inside of him . . . and that makes everything involving him ten times more dangerous.
Because if he remembers what he saw that first night on the mountain, he knows my secret.
And he just asked me to reveal it.
“You’re a bastard.” Shaking my head, I blow out a breath and try not to laugh. This is just a trick to get my guard down and set me up for the kill. I’m sofuckingstupid. “I’ll admit, you had me going there for a minute.”
Confusion ripples across Alistair’s face. “What are you talking about?”
I gesture between us. “This.I don’t care what kind of magic you laced that smoke with; it doesn’t change the facts. You’re the upcoming Alpha of the Dire pack, and I’m—” My voice cracks. Wild. Broken. Dangerous. Selfish.Hybrid.Take your pick. They all fit.
There’s no way that Alistair would ever want me. The minute I give in is the moment he’ll wrap a noose around my neck.
Alistair exhales, the weight of it dragging him down. He nearly slides off the railing but catches himself before he falls. “I’ve kept your secret.” Shaking his head, he laughs, a soft, fragile sound. “So maybe I’m not as much of a bastard as you think I am.”
Or maybe he’s worse.
“I’m not running anywhere with you, Alistair.” I cross my arms and hug them to my chest to soothe my disappointment. I’d love to run for miles on end without a care in the world about who sees. In some places of the wilds, I could. Revyn would take me to these pockets of abandoned territory, places where the rot hadn’t reached yet, and let me run for hours. At the time, I thought he was being strategic to avoid dangerous areas, but in reality, he was hiding me from pack patrols or passerby who might realize that I’m different. . . that I’m not a full-blooded wolf.
I don’t know what compelled my father to bond with my non-shifter mother, but I find myself angry with my parents for having me in the first place. Then I wonder if they were in love or if they merely bonded out of necessity. Either option feels like a punch to the gut.
Closing my eyes, I hold back tears of frustration. None of this is fair.
Just like being indebted to Alistair isn’t fucking fair.
“What do you want?” I ask him, forcing myself to meet his gaze. “Another kiss? A blow job? I’m fresh out of coin, so I can’t help you there.” My skin crawls at the thought of Alistair blackmailing me. “Just tell me what you want in exchange for your silence, and we can both move on.”
He recoils like I’ve slapped him. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“What the fuck is wrong withyou?” I hiss, suddenly standing scant inches away and shoving him. He grabs the railing to keep from tumbling over the edge. “I can’t go running with you! I shouldn’t be anywhere near you!”
His eyes glow bright gold as his anger flares. “Like I want to be this close to you?” A bitter laugh catches in his throat. “Gods, I’d do anything to get you out of my fucking head, Wildfire.” He winds his fist in my hair and holds me at arm’s length, the arch of my neck painful as he pulls my head back. “You are aconstantstorm clouding my thoughts. An inferno inside my goddamn soul. And yet—” He laughs again, louder this time. “It’s like you don’t even care!”
“Care about what? You?”
