That got a laugh out of me. I placed my hand over hers, trailing a finger over her palm and noting the way her lips parted for me. “Em, I freaked out.”
“I gathered that. Why?”
“You had tears in your eyes, hon.” I led her into my room, guiding her to sit on the edge of my bed. ThankgodI washed the blanket a day or two ago. Our knees touched as her legs were crossed, and I was thankful for the touch, the connection. “I don’t want to go too fast or overwhelm you, and that’s what I did. I know you have some shitty people from your past that messed with your…image or self-image.”
“Yeah. That’s true.” She gulped, leaning closer to place a hand on my knee. “I thought I scaredyouaway.”
“Em. Em. Em.” I shook my head, letting my eyes close as I smiled at her. “Did you not hear me literally come in my pants?”
“Oh, I sure did.” She blushed again, her teeth coming down on her bottom lip. “I definitely heard you.”
“No need to look so smug about it.” I playfully nudged her side, earning a little giggle. “Actually, you should feel smug about it. I’ve never done that in my life, but the feel of you, seeing your tits and sucking them got me off. All you. Just you.”
She blushed even more, but she didn’t back away. Pride filled me as she cleared her throat and nodded. “I do feel…smug.”
“Good.” I kissed the inside of her wrist. “I had feelings for you before we ever kissed. Nothing will change those feelings, unless they grow. Okay?”
She nodded again, swallowing hard, almost like she was building up to saying something. I didn’t rush her. I wouldn’t again. I held her hand, encouraging her with touch.
She sighed after a few silent minutes. “I used to think I wasn’t…sexual.”
I frowned, unsure what that meant. “Can you tell me what that means?”
“I’ve had sex.” She shrugged, removing her hand from mine. I gripped it harder, shaking my head.
“No, you keep a connection with me. No running away.”
A quick little smile crossed her face before her body relaxed, and she threaded her fingers with mine. “I’ve had sex with numerous people.”
“Can’t say I love where this is going, Em.”
She rolled her eyes, dismissing my very serious quip. “Oh shut up. You’ve been with plenty of women.”
“Not as many as you think, but carry on.”
“With my high school boyfriend, the one who cheated on me with my roommate…he always made sex feel like it was expected. At first, sleeping with him was thrilling because I was sick of being good all the time at home. I wanted an escape, and that’s what Jace was. I was sick of being the perfect daughter without a single thank you. But after a few months, sex wasn’t as fun. I avoided it. He’d get angry. When we would sleep together, he’d get bored and comment how I wasn’t fun anymore. It wasn’t that I wasn’t fun, but I just…I wasn’t as sexually active as he wanted me to be. I thought something was wrong with me. Then, I’d started dating and try to find the attraction to people, but…I thought something in me was broken.”
“God, I hate that bastard.” A bolt of adrenaline coursed through me, the same feeling I had on the field right before the play started. Ready for war. “You’re not broken, Em.”
“You don’t know that! I could be. You asked me to get myselfoff, to show you but I don’t…I haven’t orgasmed in so long. It’s hard. I don’t know what I like. I slept with Jace to please him, so he’d love me. I slept with random dates to make myself feel something. I’ve never?—”
She closed her eyes, pausing as her voice shook again. I wanted to keep this woman for literally ever and show her what life could look like when you had a partner who gave a shit about you. But I didn’t interrupt. This was all her. I kept a grip on her hand and let my thumb graze over the back, left to right, back and forth.
Then, she met my gaze again, lips set in a firm line. “I’ve never slept with anyone for me. Because I was into them and couldn’t breathe. Enough to…come in my pants.”
“Mm, I see,” I said, unable to stop myself from smiling. She might be in her head because of those assholes, but I read her body. She was into us, into what I was doing. “Thank you for being honest with me about that.”
“It makes me undateable, right?” she asked, voice small. “I feel like I should get it out now. Then we can stop this if you want.”
“Uh, what? Not in the slightest.” I tilted her chin up, taking in her puffy lips and sad, sad eyes. “Can I be honest?”
She nodded, her nerves clear on her face. Her expression was braced for rejection.
“You’re not broken in the fucking slightest, Em.” I leaned her back, so I hovered over her, kissing her neck when she shuddered. “And you think you’re competitive, but baby, I’m worse than you.”
“Wh-what do you mean?”
“Can I get ten minutes to get you off? Please? We’ll make a bet out of it. If I can’t give you the best orgasm of your life, then you can…pick out a tattoo for me to get.”
