“Em, you done torturing them?” she asked. “Coach wants them for treatment in ten.”
“Yes, go,” I said, waving them away. “The sooner you leave, the sooner I can make more magic.”
Quinn saluted me and sauntered out, talking trash to Bea about who’d win in a sprint. Noah lingered half a beat longer.
“Hey,” he said quietly. “Do you need dinner before you go? I can make something.”
“Oh, no, that’s okay.” I smiled tightly at him.
His gaze caught mine, and for once I couldn’t look away. There was something there—regret, maybe. “Is this…safe?”
“Yes, of course,” I said, annoyed at the insinuation that I wasn’t making smart choices. He had no idea I was lying through my teeth.
“Okay. Have fun,” he said, his jaw clenching as he shoved his hand in his pockets. His posture was completely wrong.
“Thanks,” I said, my voice softer than I wanted. “I’m sure it’ll be…something.”
We stared at each other a heartbeat too long. My chest ached, my brain screamingsay something, fix it, tell him you didn’t mean?—
I broke eye contact first, turning back to my notebook. God, I had to find a date. Or fake that I had one. Or leave the apartment for hours and pretend. Who did I know that could meet me for a few hours? Or did I message someone, desperate?
“Em, hey.” Noah’s voice neared me, the deep intonation vibrating my chest. “Text me if you need a ride home or anything.”
“Pretty sure my app date can handle that,” I said lightly, hating how defensive my voice sounded. Was he gonna leaveMiles at home and pick me up? No. “Are you able to feed Sassy for me tonight? Let her out once?”
His jaw ticked. “Right. Of course, I will. But if you need help, I’ll be there.”
He stepped back, the distance between us stretching like a rubber band pulled too tight.
“You really are such a good friend, Noah.” I said the words, hating how they sounded like nails on a chalkboard. Friend felt too shallow for what he was to me, and the “f” word hung in the air between us. His jaw worked up and down, and I didn’t want to give him a chance to respond to that. I waved and turned around. “See you later, bud.”
14
NOAH
By the time I got home with Miles, my brain felt like it had been put through a blender.
Practice. Film. Trying on the jacket Em designed, all while she refused to look me in the eye. Quinn running his mouth about her date and how he wished she’d takehimout. All of my repressed feelings stacked on top of the argument last night until my skull buzzed. I hated this. So. Much.
“Can we have mac and cheese?” Miles asked the second we walked in the door. He was extra grumpy today, and I couldn’t blame him. He could’ve been going off my mood, and I forced myself to calm down, forced Em to the back of my mind.
“You got it, buddy.” I ruffled his hair, the familiar pang of grief settling in my chest. Nat wouldn’t get to make him dinner ever again. She would miss all these things, and I wouldn’t. My throat closed up as he dropped his backpack on the floor, barely missing Sassy.
She wiggled her entire body, tail thumping, as she licked Miles everywhere. He laughed so hard, the joyous sound echoing off the kitchen, and damn, that laugh made me smile.
“She’s licking me! Look, Uncle Miles! Look!” He hugged her,closing his eyes as he giggled more and more when Sassy knocked him over and lay right on top of him. “Noah! Do you see this? She loves me! She loves me!”
“Sassy,” I said, raising my voice a bit. “Come on, girl. Leave the kid alone.”
She responded by thumping her tail twice, then went right back to licking Miles. “You must taste good or something.”
“She loves me.” The kid beamed, like Sassy licking him head to toe was the ultimate accomplishment. Note to self: once Em left, we were getting a dog.
The pang came back, hard and fast, at the thought of Em not living with us. It hadn’t been long, but I loved seeing her every single day. The idea that I wouldn’t… no. I couldn’t think about that now. “Alright, wash your hands and I’ll get dinner ready for all of us.”
Dinner was…fine.
Boxed mac, apple slices, and baby carrots he snuck to the dog. Sassy had found her easiest target and plopped down, staring at the kid with large brown puppy-dog eyes. Miles was a sucker, and I pretended not to notice how his carrots disappeared so fast. The place was too quiet. Em would engage Miles with these stories and have him answer questions, like “give me the name of a tree monster” and then she’d take it and run.
